It’s gonna be really f*cking cold in Florida; impending snow, death, mayhem

(WTFF) – Put on extra pairs of socks before you step into your sandals this week, because Florida’s gonna get really f*cking cold and we’re all gonna die*. Full Story »

Florida Man Smashes Veterinarian Clinic Window Trying to Free the Kittens

sandflea jesus
Melbourne Police are looking for someone known to locals as “Sandflea Jesus,” whom they say tried to break into a veterinarinan clinic on Eau Gallie Boulevard. (Melbourne Police)

Brevard County (WTFF) – A man who allegedly smashed the window of a veterinarian clinic with a hammer, scaring the workers and animals inside, is still on the loose. Full Story »

Melbourne Man Beats and Stabs His Friend For Eating His Pizza

melbourne pizza stab

Melbourne (WTFF) – A man in Brevard County was so upset about his friend eating his slice of pizza, that he hit him in the head with a golf club and stabbed him in the chest.

Drew Cywinski is the 25-year-old Florida Man who did all this and got charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and battery, according to palmbaydaily.com.

It all started Monday afternoon.

Florida Man Drew was hanging out in his home on Garfield Street, doing what most Florida Mans do for fun… drugs. Him and his friend took turns clumsily passing the pipe back and forth.
Full Story »

Florida Man Busted for Hit-and-Run with a 26-Foot Sailboat

James Sowell

Palm Beach Gardens (WTFF) – Palm Beach County Deputies say a Titusville man was driving a 26-foot sailboat when he hit another vessel in the Intracoastal Waterway near Palm Beach Gardens and fled the scene.

James Sowell was out riding his blue sailboat with a red kayak on the side on Wednesday, November 28, 2017.

He’s from Titusville, which is over 150 miles away from where he was spotted.
Full Story »

Florida Woman Bites Husband for Changing Password

Brevard County woman bites husband after he changed their computer password at their Palm Bay home. (Photo: Brevard County Jail)
Brevard County woman bites husband after he changed their computer password at their Palm Bay home. (Photo: Brevard County Jail)

Palm Bay (WTFF) – A woman was arrested after she bit her husband for changing their computer password.

Mary Jo King, who is supposedly only 53 (maybe in dog years), got into a verbal argument after her husband changed the password to their computer.
Full Story »

Cocoa Woman Dies from Cocaine and Fire Ant Bites

ants-gustava

Gustava Renee Rigsby was a Florida Woman who made it all the way to the age of 59. On Tuesday, the state medical examiner’s office finalized their autopsy report, determining how she died.

Back in June, she was snorting coke near Cocoa Meat & Produce, a hood grocery store in Cocoa, FL.

She passed out next to a trash can, as most coke heads will eventually do in their relatively short lives.
Full Story »

Florida Man shouts “I am God” and punches a cop in the head

Jacob Bortz

A Melbourne man was taken into custody early Sunday after police say he punched a Melbourne police officer in the side of the head.

Police arrived at Radnor Drive and Central Boulevard in Melbourne around 10:30 p.m. Saturday and saw 19-year-old Jacob Bortz running around, flailing and shouting a female’s name in the street, according to reports. Bortz began walking toward the officer quickly, fists clenched and “sweating profusely.”
Full Story »

Florida Man Shoots his Gun after getting Tackled for Starting Bar Fight

andre mouton
Andre Mouton, 54, of Melbourne, charges: Agg assault w/deadly weapon wo intent kill; breach of peace; discharge firearm in public. (Photo: Brevard County Sheriff’s Office)

An early Sunday bar fight led to shots fired inside Tracy’s Lounge on Wickham Road when a verbal altercation between two males escalated, according to police.

Andre Mouton of Melbourne was taken into custody around 2 a.m. Sunday on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill, breach of peace with disorderly conduct and discharge of a firearm in public after police say he fired a bullet inside the Suntree bar.
Full Story »

Palm Bay Weed Man Accidentally Texts Police Officer

palm-bay-man-sell-marijuana-officer-600x381

PALM BAY, Florida – On Saturday, a West Melbourne Police officer called the Palm Bay Police Department after receiving a text message from someone in their jurisdiction wanting to sell them marijuana.

The text message read “Hey Jen lmk rf u need any trees” from the Palm Bay resident with an emoji sign that appeared to be a marijuana leaf. The individual didn’t know he was sending the text messages to a police officer. Full Story »

Store Owner May Be Charged For Shooting When Florida Man Stole Beer

cocoa beer thief shooting

COCOA, Florida – The owner of a convenience store may face a criminal charge after he fired a gun when a Florida man attempted to steal beer on Wednesday in Cocoa, Florida.

Around 10 a.m. on September 20, 2017, a Brevard County Sheriff’s Deputy was in the area of a Chevron convenience store located at 6 South Cocoa Boulevard when he heard a shot fired from outside the store.

Further investigation revealed the owner of the store was inside when a white male entered and appeared to take some beer out the door without paying. Full Story »

Father with baby in car passes out at stoplight, hard lemonade in hand

Travis Taffer

A Melbourne dad was on his was to pick up his second child at school, when he passed out at a stoplight.

The car was seen stopped in the middle of Hibiscus Boulevard, near the intersection of U.S. 1.

“He could’ve rolled out in the middle of that intersection. This intersection has accidents all the time,” said eye witness Kathy Hatch.

When police arrived, they found Travis Taffer in the middle of traffic with his engine running and the car in gear… lucky for everyone his foot was somehow on the brake.

He was completely passed out; right hand on the steering wheel, left hand clutching a Mike’s Harder Black Cherry Lemonade.

In the beack seat was a 16-month-old child.

An officer turned the car off safely and woke the father up, who told the officer he was on his way to pick up his other kid from school, but had passed out.

The mother was called to pick them all up according to wesh.com, though they did not report on any charges.

Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up

Let's Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up
“Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up.”

Dear Floridians (and everybody else),

Florida’s a fucked up place. From animal abusers to angry ex-cops to Zimmerman to horse fuckers, we have plenty of issues. WTF Florida is your source for these fucked up news articles, and we encourage hysterical laughter at the zany headlines coming out of the Gunshine State.

After the laughter comes tears. The victims of Florida’s insanity aren’t laughing (unless they’re truly demented, which happens sometimes). We have a responsibility to improve Florida as much as we can.

WTF Florida would like to state a new mission:

We are dedicated to becoming a Karma Neutral State.

We want Florida’s karmatic number to be perfectly balanced at zero. Laughing at other people’s misery brings negative karma. Doing fucked up shit brings negative karma. Helping people who have been fucked over by Florida’s insanity brings you positive karma. We are still going to make fun of everybody who shows up on this site, but we are also going to start getting more serious about fixing stupid shit.

From this point on, we will occasionally start petitions to bring about justice, and to fix things that are unfair or that defy morals. We encourage our readers to help, not only by signing and sharing these petitions, but to also create them yourselves and to contact your representatives when appropriate. Please contact us if you have an issue that is important to you.

Send us info about your non-profit group or activism group, and we will try to get you more views (if you don’t mind being associated with us). Use the Contact page and let us know what you’re about.

All big problems start small. You can make a difference today by doing little things. Give a homeless person a bottle of water. Ask a local school what supplies they need and gift them with what you can afford. Use your fucking turn signals. The list goes on.

Help us help our state.

Let’s work together for the greater good.

Let’s make Florida slightly less fucked up.

 

 

Floridians For Freedom

fff-smokey

Only the “Right Of Adults To Cannabis” amendment can secure your RIGHT to possess, cultivate, and use cannabis in a manner similar to your 2nd amendment right to “keep and bear arms” … think about that for a minute.

Whether you agree or disagree with Americans right to gun ownership, the strength of this protected right is clear and viewed my many as absolute. Floridians For Freedom​ believes adults right to whole plant cannabis should be comparable and hopes you agree. Full Story »

Florida Man Threatens Man With Machete To Go Steal Beer From Walmart

Michael Richard Laplante

MERRITT ISLAND, Florida – A Florida man is in jail after he allegedly threatened another man with a machete to make him to steal beer from a Walmart in Merritt Island, Florida.

The victim was inside his friend’s boat in a wooded area near Kiwanis Island park that is just west of the Walmart Supercenter located at 1500 East Merritt Island Causeway. Full Story »

Florida woman pulls gun on clerk who refused dirty pennies

pennies-florida

Police in Florida are trying to identify a woman they say pulled two guns on a convenience store clerk after he refused to accept a jar of dirty pennies as payment.

Melbourne police said the woman showed up early Wednesday morning at a 7-Eleven, picked up a few items and then gave the clerk the pennies, according to Florida Today.

Police say the clerk told the woman the coins were dirty and ‘gunked-up.’

The clerk says the woman got angry and began throwing things after he told her there were too many pennies for the store to accept. Full Story »

Florida Man Calls 911 For Ride To Hooters, Gets Ride To Jail Instead

Jonathan Clayton Hinkle

MERRITT ISLAND, Florida – A Florida man allegedly made a false 911 call to get a ride from Brevard County Sheriff’s deputies to a Hooters restaurant in Merritt Island, Florida.

According to sheriff’s deputies, 28-year-old Jonathan Clayton Hinkle of Merritt Island, Florida called 911 and told dispatchers that his elderly grandmother was having a stroke in the parking lot of Hooters and that he needed to get to her to assist her.

Hinkle allegedly told the 911 operator that he was running as fast as he could from south Merritt Island in order to get to his grandmother and help her. He then allegedly asked the dispatcher if he could obtain a ride from deputies in exchange for money so that he could assist his grandmother. Full Story »

Trump signs executive order that could allow Oil Drilling on Florida coast

Despite Florida’s ridiculousness, we must admit that it’s natural beauty is a wonder to behold. President Trump has just signed an executive order that threatens this natural beauty. This order warrants oil drilling in areas that include the South Atlantic Ocean area, which extends south to near Cape Canaveral. You can see the executive order here:

https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/04/28/presidential-executive-order-implementing-america-first-offshore-energy

We must not forget the devastation caused in April 20, 2010 when the Deepwater Horizon oil spill discharged 4.9 million barrels of oil into our precious ocean. Infant dolphins were dying six times faster than they did before the spill (Source).

“This is paradise,” said Senator Bill Nelson. “We don’t want to mess it up. We want to keep Florida as this place that is so beautiful so that our families and our guests can continue to enjoy.”

Bill Nelson has filed a bill to block expansion of offshore drilling, which you can learn more about on his website: billnelson.senate.gov

Our coral reef system would be in great danger if this order goes through, which has a domino effect of consequences. Once oil comes into contact with corals, it can kill them or impede their reproduction, growth, behavior, and development. The entire reef ecosystem can suffer from an oil spill, affecting the many species of fish, crabs, and other marine invertebrates that live in and around coral reefs.

Tourism would be affected as well… this should get the attention of those less concerned with life and more concerned with money.

“We have long been wise enough to know that we do not allow oil and gas rigs near our beaches in the state of Florida,” said Democratic Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. “They are just too sensitive and too vital to our fishing and tourism economy and our unique way of life.”

This is a non-political issue. This is about making the world we live in a safer place, and preserving the only planet we’ve found so far that can support human life. Let’s try not to destroy it.

“As a delegation, we have always drawn a line in the sand when it comes to drill off of Florida’s coast line and that’s why we’re here again today,” said Wasserman-Schultz. “We’re drawing a deeper bipartisan line in the sand that says “keep your drill baby drill policies away from our vital sensitive Florida coast.”

 

Racial Slur Burned Into Florida Man’s Front Lawn

CREDIT: WESH
A Florida man found a racial slur burned into his front yard.

Racial Slur Burned Into Florida Man’s Front Lawn

A man in Palm Bay, Florida, says his family feels threatened after vandals used a chemical to burn the racial slur n***** into his front lawn.

Courtney Gordon told WESH-TV that someone likely used weed killer to plaster the hateful word on his lawn, which faces the street. Now everyone can see the 3-foot letters. Full Story »

Florida Man gets a DUI in his Motorized Wheelchair

They see me rollin’…

Meet Ronny Scott Hicks. Age 54. Extensive DUI record. This man was arrested on a bridge in Palm Bay and charged with a DUI… in his motorized wheelchair. This happened in the middle of the night, when the freaks come out.

According to the police, he was blocking several lanes of traffic on this bridge, and reeked of alcohol. After refusing to take a field sobriety test he was arrested. These cops also offered to get him treatment for the mysterious head wound that he had wrapped up, but he refused help.

With two DUI’s in 2013 and one in 1998, this man is no stranger to boozed up joy rides. His past convictions don’t mention if he was driving a wheelchair or not though…

There exists a $5,000 bond, so if you need a great chauffeur who works hard even when he has an open, leaking wound on his head, release this man and hire him immediately. This is truly a dedicated driver.

Ronny Scott Hicks was drunk driving in his wheelchair and blocking traffic.

So for today’s WTF Florida we celebrate Ronny Hicks for blocking traffic in his motorized wheelchair on a busy bridge. And of course he was piss drunk, how else could this happen?

See more things that make you say WTF Florida? on the official Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/WTFFlorida

Source: https://www.nbcnews.com/