It’s gonna be really f*cking cold in Florida; impending snow, death, mayhem

(WTFF) – Put on extra pairs of socks before you step into your sandals this week, because Florida’s gonna get really f*cking cold and we’re all gonna die*. Full Story »

Mosquitoes forced to feed off diseased rats because of pythons taking over the Everglades

It now appears that two of Florida’s worst environmental issues have joined forces.

Invasive Burmese pythons are disrupting the Everglades to the point where mammals are now extremely scarce, and mosquitoes are forced to feed off rats that carry dangerous viruses.

A new study published in the journal Biology Letters from the University of Florida claims that mammals have become so rare in the Everglades that mosquitoes are now feeding off the hispid cotton rat, a rodent which is one of the only known hosts of a mosquito-borne virus called the Everglades virus.

Everglades virus causes fever, headache and in some rare cases, encephalitis (inflammation of the brain). Full Story »

Florida Man Cuts Girlfriend with Her Dead Mom’s Urn

Rupp, Chad

Weapons come in all forms. Sometimes, our people get very creative and expand from the standard repertoire of guns and machetes.

Chad Rupp is a 26-year-old Florida Man who lives in Key West. On Wednesday night, he earned his awful wings and ended up on our site for weaponizing a sacred object.

Him and his girlfriend were out on a nice date at Burger King, when they got into an argument in the parking lot. Full Story »

Florida Man Uses Air Gun to Protect his Curb Trash from Kids

joyce james

Saying “I run this street, not the cops,” a Tavernier man threatened two kids with an air rifle Thursday when he saw them walking down his road, police say.

James Joyce, 53, reportedly believed the youths, ages 11 and 14, were rummaging through stuff he put to the curb as trash on West Indies Road. It was about 7 p.m., according to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputy Becky Herrin said Joyce saw the kids in front of his house on the street and yelled at them to get away from his property. When they didn’t immediately leave, he went inside, retrieved what looked to the kids and neighbors like a black rifle and waved it around. Full Story »

Rednecks go Shark Fishin’ Using a Fat Belly as Bait

Man bitten by nurse shark

Rednecks Go Shark Fishin’ Using a Fat Belly

If only we could train nurse sharks to bite dicks off, we could help control our Florida Man epidemic. This little fella made a brave attempt at vasectomizing one of these creatures, but was killed in the process.

Posted by WTF Florida? on Wednesday, September 27, 2017

So, a Clay County man went to the Keys and somehow managed to get a nurse shark attached to his body.

More info:

news4jax.com

Florida man dies after he’s sucker punched at gas station

sucker-punch-fred

A 62-year-old man died after he was sucker punched while sitting outside a gas station in the Florida Keys, news reports say.

Steven Sanderson, who is homeless, was outside a Chevron station on Friday night when Fred R. Hauch, 53, hit him, the FlKeyNews reports. Sanderson struck his head when he fell to the ground; he died on Sunday at a Miami hospital.

Sanderson was speaking poorly about an employee at the Chevron gas station when Hauch asked another employee inside if he wanted him to punch Sanderson, according to an arrest report obtained by the FLKeysNews.

The employee thought Hauch was joking and said “yes.” Full Story »

Landlord facing first-degree murder charges after eviction goes wrong

eviction-ryan-wilder

An eviction turned deadly Friday night and a landlord is now in jail on a first-degree murder charge after police say he shot a tenant living at his parent’s Duck Key home.

Ryan Wilder, 32, of Winter Springs, Fla. is being held in county jail in Marathon on no bond. Monroe County Sheriff’s Office detectives say he shot and killed Kenneth Palicki, 47, shortly before 6:30 p.m. Friday night.

Palicki and his girlfriend, Colleen Lyons, 25, lived at 162 North Indies Drive, a house owned by Wilder’s parents, said Deputy Becky Herrin, media relations officer for the Sheriff’s Office. Palicki and Lyons had been served eviction papers requiring them to be out of the house by Aug. 23, Herrin said.

Wilder went to the house Friday and no one was home. He began taking items from the house outside when Palicki and Lyons returned home. Wilder and Palicki began arguing and Palicki told Lyons to call the Sheriff’s Office, which she did. While on the phone with a dispatcher, Lyons said Wilder had a pistol in a holster on his hip. Full Story »

Tampa stripper stabbed partner in both eyes, shoved piece of wood down throat

Justin Calhoun

KEY WEST, Fla. – A male stripper from Tampa was arrested Monday in Key West after he stabbed his partner in both eyes and shoved a piece of wood down his throat, police said.

Justin Calhoun, 24, faces a charge of attempted murder in connection with the violent domestic incident.

According to a Key West police report, Calhoun admitted to attacking Mark Brann so severely that the victim was flown to a Miami hospital to be treated for his injuries.

Calhoun told police that he and Brann had a sexual relationship and that he often stayed at Brann’s home in Key West. Calhoun said he and Brann got into an argument because he believed that Brann was a “cannibal,” Detective Jeff Dean wrote in the police report.

Brann got angry about Calhoun’s accusation and picked up a gun that was on a bed where they were laying, Calhoun told police. Calhoun said the gun fired as he fought with Brann for the gun, but no one was shot, Dean wrote.

Calhoun said he took the gun and planned to shoot Brann, but the gun jammed, the report said. Instead, Calhoun said, he grabbed a pen and stabbed Brann in both eyes, the report said. Full Story »

Miami men charged in rare deer theft pleads not guilty

deer trunk keys

Two South Florida men accused of hog-tying three endangered Key deer in the middle of the night last month in the Lower Keys now face federal charges in addition to the state charges they were already facing.

Erik Damas Acosta, 18, of Miami Gardens and Tumani Anthony Younge, 23, of Tamarac were arrested July 2 on Little Torch Key after a Monroe County Sheriff’s Office deputy pulled them over for a traffic violation and found the deer in Damas Acosta’s four-door Hyundai Sonata, two in the back seat and one in the trunk. One of the endangered Key deer had to be euthanized days later due to a broken leg.

According to what’s called an information charging sheet signed by Acting U.S. Attorney Benjamin G. Greenberg and Assistant U.S. Attorney Thomas A. Watts-FitzGerald, the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Miami Wednesday charged Damas Acosta and Younge with three counts each of violating the Endangered Species Act for knowingly and unlawfully taking protected Key deer. Full Story »

Florida Couple Diving For Lobster Instead Finds Human Bones

080717+human+skull+found+florida+keys

Instead of finding crustaceans, a couple diving for lobster under a North Key Largo bridge found human bones.

The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office said Monday that a man and woman were diving for lobster under the Card Sound Bridge that connects mainland Florida with the Florida Keys when they spotted a skull and several other bones.

They flagged down a Fish and Wildlife officer who was patrolling the area, and the officer called homicide detectives at the sheriff’s office.

The sheriff’s office says detectives so far don’t know who the bones belonged to, how long they were there or what may have caused the person’s death.

The bones have been turned over to the medical examiner.

Source: nbcmiami.com

Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up

Let's Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up
“Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up.”

Dear Floridians (and everybody else),

Florida’s a fucked up place. From animal abusers to angry ex-cops to Zimmerman to horse fuckers, we have plenty of issues. WTF Florida is your source for these fucked up news articles, and we encourage hysterical laughter at the zany headlines coming out of the Gunshine State.

After the laughter comes tears. The victims of Florida’s insanity aren’t laughing (unless they’re truly demented, which happens sometimes). We have a responsibility to improve Florida as much as we can.

WTF Florida would like to state a new mission:

We are dedicated to becoming a Karma Neutral State.

We want Florida’s karmatic number to be perfectly balanced at zero. Laughing at other people’s misery brings negative karma. Doing fucked up shit brings negative karma. Helping people who have been fucked over by Florida’s insanity brings you positive karma. We are still going to make fun of everybody who shows up on this site, but we are also going to start getting more serious about fixing stupid shit.

From this point on, we will occasionally start petitions to bring about justice, and to fix things that are unfair or that defy morals. We encourage our readers to help, not only by signing and sharing these petitions, but to also create them yourselves and to contact your representatives when appropriate. Please contact us if you have an issue that is important to you.

Send us info about your non-profit group or activism group, and we will try to get you more views (if you don’t mind being associated with us). Use the Contact page and let us know what you’re about.

All big problems start small. You can make a difference today by doing little things. Give a homeless person a bottle of water. Ask a local school what supplies they need and gift them with what you can afford. Use your fucking turn signals. The list goes on.

Help us help our state.

Let’s work together for the greater good.

Let’s make Florida slightly less fucked up.

 

 

Floridians For Freedom

fff-smokey

Only the “Right Of Adults To Cannabis” amendment can secure your RIGHT to possess, cultivate, and use cannabis in a manner similar to your 2nd amendment right to “keep and bear arms” … think about that for a minute.

Whether you agree or disagree with Americans right to gun ownership, the strength of this protected right is clear and viewed my many as absolute. Floridians For Freedom​ believes adults right to whole plant cannabis should be comparable and hopes you agree. Full Story »

Cocaine Found Inside Key West Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster Cocaine

Cocaine users are always seeking new and creative ways to hide their product. Florida is showing signs of evolution, but hasn’t quite caught up yet…

Deep down in the Florida Keys, a Monroe County deputy was watching traffic. He noticed a car driving by with really dark tint, and an obscured license plate. The deputy followed to investigate. Full Story »

Drunk man crashes stolen forklift in Florida Keys

MARATHON, Fla. — Florida Keys authorities say a drunken man from Rhode Island stole a forklift and crashed into a gate, telling deputies he lost his car keys and needed something to drive.

The Monroe County Sheriff’s Office says in a news release that 44-year-old Edward Quinton of Greenwich, Rhode Island told deputies he was in the Keys helping friends move.

Quinton was quoted as saying that after he lost his keys Thursday night, he needed a vehicle and took the forklift from a Marathon marina because he knew how to drive one. Quinton also told deputies he thought he could fix the damaged gate.

Breath tests showed Quinton’s blood-alcohol level was twice Florida’s legal limit. He faces drunk-driving, criminal mischief, burglary and grand theft charges.

Jail records listed no attorney for Quinton.

 

Source: globalnews.ca

Florida Mom arrested for mailing drugs to her incarcerated daughter

A Duck Key woman was arrested Thursday for mailing drugs to the Monroe County Detention Center.

55 year old Nadine Carroll mailed an envelope containing Buprenorphine to the Stock Island Detention Center in September. The envelope was addressed to her daughter, Shannon Carroll, who was arrested September 15th and is still in jail on charges of driving with a suspended license and possession of cocaine.

The envelope was intercepted by a detention deputy at the facility who noticed a chemical smell from the envelope, and saw an unknown substance on the envelope once he opened it.

Tests revealed the substance to be Buprenorphine, a synthetic opioid.

A warrant was obtained by detectives with the Sheriff’s Special Operations Unit and Nadine Carroll was arrested for smuggling contraband into a detention facility. She and her daughter are now both in jail on drug related charges.

Location: Florida Keys

Source: floridakeyssheriff.blogspot.com