The Florida Code

box-of-oranges-postcard

When giving directions in Florida, you must always start with the words, “take I-75,” “take I-4” or “take I-95.”

When crossing the border into Florida forget all driving rules you ever knew.

Turn your blinky lights on when it’s raining.

If you’re a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of 6 A.M. to 10 A.M. and 4 P.M. to 7 P.M. This is considered to be RUSH HOUR and you are not in any rush. NO EXCEPTIONS. But you will drive anyway.

Freeways can only go north and south . . . Not east and west except Alligator Alley.

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WTFF Testimonials

Thank you all so much for your support and love. Here are some testimonials from our fans:

This is why the rest of the country refers to y’all as “flori-diots.” The sun has been baking yalls brains too long, sacks of crap. Change your bio from news to complete nonsense. You guys are a prime example of why the rest of the country laughs at ya! -Ellison A, Facebook Commenter
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82,000 stolen guns in Florida have never been found

Since 2007, at least 82,000 guns have been reported stolen in Florida and never found.

That’s 22 guns a day, stolen.

For the past 10 years, on almost every hour, some idiot lets their gun get stolen.

Every day, 22 new guns are out on the street in the hands of Florida Man and Florida Woman. They’re for sale. They’re used in home robberies. Your daughter’s Florida Man boyfriend carries one on him at all times.

WTSP reports 9,000 guns missing in Tampa Bay alone.

Not letting your gun get stolen is what separates Florida men from Florida Man.

Don’t be a dumb fuck.

Store guns so they are not accessible to unauthorized persons. (NRA)

New Comments Sytem – Disqus

alligator on computer

We have switched over to disqus for the site’s commenting system. After updating our site to HTTPS to be more secure, we fell victim to a Facebook bug that has affected many other sites. Long story short, we tried many different hacks to save your brilliant comments, but all of those methods would introduce other issues down the road. All of your clever comments will exist on Facebook still, but no longer on our website. It sucks, but all we can do is move forward. Keep the sarcasm rolling, and may the f*ckery continue. Peace!

New Web Site Owner – Baphomet

satan again

HELLo everybody. Baphomet here. I’m the new owner of WTF Florida.

I’ve been trying to buy the site for quite some time now, but the original admin kept refusing. He said something about wanting to make people laugh to bring them together, and that even though he made fun of everybody, he still had lots of love and hope for the human race. What a little bitch, lol.

Anyways, he’s dead now. I sent out my minion “Bubba the Gimp” to ass rape him, gouge his eyes out, pour bleach on fresh cuts, and force him to listen to hick-hop (country rap). After a fun night of torture, I told Bubba to stick a shotgun in his mouth and blow his fuckin’ head off. Thanks to Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law, this is perfectly legal… which is honestly kinda fucked up, and I’m literally The Devil… Anyways, his fresh corpse has been buried at the Tallahassee National Cemetery just to fuck with him (he’s always felt a little awkward in North Florida). Full Story »