Dewie Brewton, Brad King, and why we care

This case is about being held accountable for your actions. What Dewie did was illegal. His actions violate FSS 828.24. The FWC guidelines set by the AVMA explicitly prohibit drowning as a means for euthanizing an animal. There were other options, including release in a safe area outside of the school.

Morally, of course, there will be disagreements, but many farmers do side with us, even and especially ones who are familiar with the often cruel nature of reality. Animals kill other animals, and make them suffer. Humans are supposed to be more intelligent than animals, therefore we should do our best to not only recognize suffering, but try to create as little suffering as possible for us and the living creatures around us. Death is a part of life, but we should never allow or facilitate a slow and tortuous death. Full Story »

Dramatic Journalism

Not all is as it seems. News media must be dramatic. There are bits of truth and delusion in every article and meme we are exposed to. Without fail, with every expression of reality things are lost, and other things are added. Do not allow your mind to be swayed too quickly, nor respond too apathetically. The truth is often somewhere in the middle, or perhaps hardly there at all. Full Story »

“Stand Your Ground” and Race

gunshine state

“Stand Your Ground” legislation has a “quantifiable racial bias” according to a study published in 2015.

Vice reports that “from 2005 to 2013, juries were twice as likely to convict the perpetrator of a crime against a white person than against a person of color.” Hopefully by talking openly about these statistics we can one day eliminate the bias, and judge fairly. Ignoring these realities harms us all, and so does exploiting these statistics to run emotionally charged news stories for advertising profit. Full Story »

Emma Gonzalez

Meet the Queen of WTF Florida.

The one who triggered all the radical gun nuts.

The high school student who made grown men quiver in fear and retaliate with threats, conspiracies, and insults.

The one who made so-called “patriots” ridicule survivors for doing their American duty of fighting for civility and humanity by exercising their First Amendment rights.

The one who stood up against crooked politicians and called BS on the hypocrites, saying “Never Again.”

The one who allowed good gun owners to differentiate themselves from the angry, trigger-happy imbeciles who gleefully suck on mainstream fear-mongering propaganda.

The high school student from Florida who has more class and leadership skills than our current politicians.

The legend.

Emma Gonzalez. Full Story »

Ordinance of Secession, 1861

About This Document

In the wake of Abraham Lincoln’s election to the presidency on November 6, 1860, Governor Madison Starke Perry called for Florida to prepare for secession and to join with other southern states in organizing an independent confederacy. The state legislature voted to hold a statewide election on December 22 for the selection of delegates to a convention that would meet in Tallahassee beginning on January 3, 1861, to decide whether Florida should secede. Of the sixty-nine delegates eligible to vote on January 10, 1861 for the adoption of an ordinance of secession, sixty-two voted yea and seven nay.

There are sixty-five signatures on the Ordinance of Secession. Full Story »

The Villages

The Villages is the world’s largest retirement community, spanning 3 counties in the middle of Florida. They drive golf carts everywhere, from Publix to the doctor to any place that sells alcohol. Happy hour goes on all day, every day. They line dance, twerk, party and get drunk every night on the three main squares and surrounding areas. “Key parties” are common. They are recognized as their own city by the residents, though it’s technically a census-designated place. Full Story »

Site Updates – March 2018

We will rolling out a big upgrade to the site soon. New features include:

The Florida Button, which when pressed, will add a vote to the article or image. Fuck a Like button, we got our own now. It’s very preliminary, so please report any bugs or suggestions.

Florida Points are the number of FloridApprovals (Florida Button votes) multiplied by the number of Florida Tags. Florida Points will be equal to the number of Florida Tags until there are at least 2 votes. Share posts and encourage others to hit the Florida Button to get the total Florida Points up.

Improved Categories will make it easier to browse the site. Main sections will be News, Media, and Information. News will contain several subcategories including Crime, Politics, Good News, and Madness. Media will contain memes, photos, videos, and more, all categorized. Some of our links might break as a result, please report anything like that to us. The changing of categories will be an on-going process after the site update, so please excuse fuck-ups for the time being. Sections may look empty, but soon they will be filled.

Better Comments making it easier to share your thoughts and jokes.

Easier Sharing Tools found on the right hand column on desktop or below the comments on mobile.

More too… just explore it.

Banned from Facebook for 30 Days

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Facebook status posts will be delayed for an entire month because they banned me again for posting memes and being silly. Fuck Facebook’s algorithms. And fuck being politically correct. Facebook’s just trying to compensate because they know they fucked up by selling millions of ads to Russians during the elections. Yep, all those “Keep America America!” memes that “patriotic,” senile people shared… they came from trolls in a country that hates America. It’s funny but it’s sad. Hopefully the Millennial generation won’t be so goddam fucking stupid. Yes I’m talking to all you baby-boomers and literal racists who got tricked into voting for Trump. You got played, you old pieces of shit. That’s the art of the deal… but whatever, back to the reason we got banned.

People are upset that Facebook allowed all that to happen and made a shit-load of money from those ads. So now Facebook’s just banning the shit out of everyone, doing damage control with their snowflake robots detecting “offensive” things as part of their damage control. Full Story »

Politics are Polytricks

Just to be clear, we don’t take “political party” sides. All of them are stupid, in their own unique way. Peaceful ideals are not enough to cure the divide as the corporate machine has dug its vacuum into politics and extracts power from us for profit. We provide to them the most valuable assets in the world: our time, our attention, our excitement, our hope. Some of their vehicles are: media, the news, internet, and broadcast television.

There’s a lot of really great news networks out there. And there’s a lot of crap. We’re somewhere in the middle, okay lower, but our uniqueness makes us shine (Florida’s a magical place). We say “fuck” sometimes. We make fun of Florida Man. We make fun of dumb criminals. Some of the articles have a spin on them. If you’ve been around here a while you will notice trends. Everything comes back to the center eventually. This is essentially a comedy site: here’s your fucking disclaimer. All of the articles in our “News” category are real though, based on actual events, and provide citations or police reports. We just have a weird sense of humor and most of the stories make us laugh.

Sometimes we post serious and important stuff. Use your mind to discern between the two, and remember they are sometimes one and the same.

Not everything should have to come with a Sarcasm tag, but as a sign of the times, and due to Poe’s Law, we do use it now, just to be clear. You’re welcome. We will use this tag on heavily slanted and politicized articles to gently remind you that “we’re just kidding!”

We’re never sarcastic. Ahem. Seriously though, don’t take any of this shit too seriously. And it’s all shit. Everything is. But within that shit is beauty and laughter and goodness. So go forth, be great, and keep Florida weird.

Politically Correct in 2018

In order to keep up with these changing times, we have decided to re-brand into something more “politically correct” for the modern era. Our site name is changing from “Wow, That’s Fascinating, Florida,” to “What The Fuck, Florida.” If you don’t swear, just call it the former name. WTFF News is proudly committed to staying relevant in these crazy times.

Banned from Facebook Again

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So, we got banned from Facebook again. That’s what we get for shit-posting. It’s all in good fun, but sometimes people get offended. On the good side, it shows that people do still care, on the bad side, it shows that people care more about stupid jokes than they do about actual problems plaguing our society. Oh well. Sorry if we don’t respond to your message, we’re not ignoring you. Full Story »

Oranges

florida orange post card

Evil actions are like oranges. At first they’re sweet, but after a while they spoil, turn rotten, and bring you suffering.

Good actions are like a fruit that only ever ripens, and never turns sour.

The Difference between Rednecks and Yankees

Rednecks will pull your stuck car out of a sand pit, cook good ol’ fashioned southern food for you and your friends (no matter what race or religion y’all are), and practice gun safety with all 100+ locked firearms they legally own.

Stupid Redneck Assholes drive their oversize pickup trucks 80 MPH through the bike lane while texting, believe that demographic shifts are white genocide, and shoot people in the face for parking too close to their vehicle.

Yankees bring in tourism dollars, improve traffic flow in Florida by invoking the useful “don’t block the box” rule, smile and appreciate the kindness of Floridians even if we’re a little weird.

Stupid Yankee Assholes drive like old ladies from Michigan and go 40 MPH below the speed limit in the passing lane, are always rude to cover up the fact that they’re ignorant, and vote against important things like education while taking advantage of our “no income tax” state.

The Florida Code

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When giving directions in Florida, you must always start with the words, “take I-75,” “take I-4” or “take I-95.”

When crossing the border into Florida forget all driving rules you ever knew.

Turn your blinky lights on when it’s raining.

If you’re a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of 6 A.M. to 10 A.M. and 4 P.M. to 7 P.M. This is considered to be RUSH HOUR and you are not in any rush. NO EXCEPTIONS. But you will drive anyway.

Freeways can only go north and south . . . Not east and west except Alligator Alley.

Full Story »

WTFF Testimonials

Thank you all so much for your support and love. Here are some testimonials from our fans:

This is why the rest of the country refers to y’all as “flori-diots.” The sun has been baking yalls brains too long, sacks of crap. Change your bio from news to complete nonsense. You guys are a prime example of why the rest of the country laughs at ya! -Ellison A, Facebook Commenter
Full Story »

New Comments Sytem – Disqus

alligator on computer

We have switched over to disqus for the site’s commenting system. After updating our site to HTTPS to be more secure, we fell victim to a Facebook bug that has affected many other sites. Long story short, we tried many different hacks to save your brilliant comments, but all of those methods would introduce other issues down the road. All of your clever comments will exist on Facebook still, but no longer on our website. It sucks, but all we can do is move forward. Keep the sarcasm rolling, and may the f*ckery continue. Peace!