Politics are Polytricks

Just to be clear, we don’t take “political party” sides. All of them are stupid, in their own unique way. Peaceful ideals are not enough to cure the divide as the corporate machine has dug its vacuum into politics and extracts power from us for profit. We provide to them the most valuable assets in the world: our time, our attention, our excitement, our hope. Some of their vehicles are: media, the news, internet, and broadcast television.

There’s a lot of really great news networks out there. And there’s a lot of crap. We’re somewhere in the middle, okay lower, but our uniqueness makes us shine (Florida’s a magical place). We say “fuck” sometimes. We make fun of Florida Man. We make fun of dumb criminals. Some of the articles have a spin on them. If you’ve been around here a while you will notice trends. Everything comes back to the center eventually. This is essentially a comedy site: here’s your fucking disclaimer. All of the articles in our “News” category are real though, based on actual events, and provide citations or police reports. We just have a weird sense of humor and most of the stories make us laugh.

Sometimes we post serious and important stuff. Use your mind to discern between the two, and remember they are sometimes one and the same.

Not everything should have to come with a Sarcasm tag, but as a sign of the times, and due to Poe’s Law, we do use it now, just to be clear. You’re welcome. We will use this tag on heavily slanted and politicized articles to gently remind you that “we’re just kidding!”

We’re never sarcastic. Ahem. Seriously though, don’t take any of this shit too seriously. And it’s all shit. Everything is. But within that shit is beauty and laughter and goodness. So go forth, be great, and keep Florida weird.

Florida’s Number One for Head Injuries

head-injuries

According to Stat News, the most common physical injury diagnosis in Florida, as documented in health insurance claims, are head injuries. That explains a lot. It explains the butthurt Facebook comments full of typos and atrocious grammar that manifest every time we troll the Florida Mans and Florida Womans of the state. Head injuries. That’s why people in Florida still deny climate change. Head injuries. That’s why they shoot each other over parking spaces. Head injuries. It has to be that. It just has to be… Full Story »

Politically Correct in 2018

In order to keep up with these changing times, we have decided to re-brand into something more “politically correct” for the modern era. Our site name is changing from “Wow, That’s Fascinating, Florida,” to “What The Fuck, Florida.” If you don’t swear, just call it the former name. WTFF News is proudly committed to staying relevant in these crazy times.

Banned from Facebook Again

fb-jail

So, we got banned from Facebook again. That’s what we get for shit-posting. It’s all in good fun, but sometimes people get offended. On the good side, it shows that people do still care, on the bad side, it shows that people care more about stupid jokes than they do about actual problems plaguing our society. Oh well. Sorry if we don’t respond to your message, we’re not ignoring you. Full Story »

Oranges

florida orange post card

Evil actions are like oranges. At first they’re sweet, but after a while they spoil, turn rotten, and bring you suffering.

Good actions are like a fruit that only ever ripens, and never turns sour.