Trip Patrol

There should be a serious constitutional amendment to legalize all drugs.

Take the role away from cops so they can focus on violent crimes.

Create a “trip patrol” who come equipped with mental health training to talk down “bad trips” but with a few backups who can tackle drunk people and PCP users if needed.

This should be common sense. Am I missing something?

Destroy Each Other

We received a “must-run message” from our “friends” over at Sinclair Media. We don’t approve of this message, but they’re heavily armed and already shot a few of our best reporters for dissenting, so here it is:

Democrats and Republicans must remain mortal enemies. Do everything in your power to destroy each other.

Conservatives, do your best to strip away women’s rights and censor the internet. All Democrats are Godless baby killers that want to turn your sons gay.

Liberals, do your best to ban large rifles; only police and government employees need those. All Republicans are mass shooters and racists that want to drink their large fountain drinks with straws.

Poor people, we must fight to provide larger tax cuts for the rich, so the profits will trickle down. You will be rich one day too and reap the rewards, just have patience and continue paying your taxes.

Obey your corporations. Continue to consume your programming.

All news that threatens the establishment is fake news.

Go forth and hate thy neighbor.

Ignorance is strength. Unity is weakness. Abuse is kindness. Fear is knowledge. Truth is deceit. Control is liberty.


Republicans in 2018

Republicans are brainwashed. They don’t know how to decipher between facts and lies. Republicans are willfully ignorant and intellectually lazy. Even when they are told the truth, they don’t care and refuse to look it up. If any of them had half a brain, they would know that Trump is a Populist Authoritarian. And just like the Populist Authoritarians that were democratically elected in Germany (1930’s), Russia, Venezuela, Turkey, and recently Hungary, Trump will destroy this democracy too.

Republicans have never been taught how you decipher the information they receive is fact or lies. They were never taught credibility testing methods. Fox and the GOP have used this to brainwash them for a couple decades now. They are too far gone to reach. They are incapable of correctly answering the following:

  1. Explain to me your specific methods as to how you decipher the information you receive is fact or lies.
  2. How many times has Trump been found guilty of breaking federal laws in federal courts? And how many times has Obama been found guilty of breaking federal laws in federal court?

Source: comments in article.

How to Spot a Shill Account

“Shill accounts” are common on social media. They’re created and moderated by modern influence campaign employees, “shills,” who spread misinformation and strong view points in order to manipulate the actions of humans. We’re social creatures. When we see some “normal, average, real” person that kind of looks, thinks, and acts like us, we tend to trust them. That’s where marketing companies step in, to exploit that. Full Story »

To those who say it’s ‘just natural red tide’

It’s more than just “red tide,” a naturally-occurring microscopic alga that has been documented along Florida’s Gulf Coast since the 1840’s. Floridians are upset about the overall treatment of our environment.

Mainstream media tends to downplay the effect of dumping phosphorus-laden pollutants into our ecological water system. Water moves freely along the peninsula, carrying all its sickness and impurities, so what we do in one place affects another.

Here’s a video taken in a North Fort Myers canal, August 9, 2018 at 6:05 pm:

From the video’s post:

I took a stick, and flipped over one of these floating blobs… what lies within looks like it is straight out of a septic tank, and smells like it too. Maybe worse. Like an outhouse in the sun.

There are hundreds and hundreds of these blobs. And that’s just MY canal

Completely grossed out even more now. Nothing can live in this.

Politicians helped slash environmental regulations while getting an applause from conned Floridians who were happy with “less government.” Those eliminations only helped huge corporations while hurting Floridians. The same rich, greedy Transplants that Florida Natives despise reaped all the benefits of the cultural warfare against environmentalists.

Real Floridians care about their water, their lakes, their springs, their beaches… we care, and that’s a great thing. Don’t be ashamed to love Florida and the planet we live on. Let’s work together, educate ourselves, and start fixing things.

Many politicians, Democrats and Republicans, are to blame for the current water and climate crisis, but blaming people doesn’t help. We’ve already caught and exposed them (which is important too), but nothing changes as a result of that. They just don’t care. “So what, you caught us,” is the attitude they exude with impunity. Just vote them out and try a new round of fresh possibilities.

Work with local government in your county and city to make agreements to preserve Florida forever. The EPA isn’t going to save us, but they can certainly help fund our projects and actualize our goals if we start voting in the right people. Until then, make every effort you can to inform others of the reality of our situation. Do what you can to treat our planet with respect.

As we learn new things, we should be eager to admit it. As we see others learning, we should not judge them for the lies they once believed. While it’s easy to ridicule the victims of propaganda, we promise to be nice. Sorry if we insulted you before. We just get upset when our magical little peninsula is under attack. One Florida. One Love, everybody.

Show your support at this event:

Political Promises

Hi, I’m almost every political candidate, and I promise to:

✅ Pander to my base with rhetorical phrases and uplifting but empty promises.
✅ Make you fight to keep your constitutional rights.
✅ Blame the other side.
✅ Find what pisses you off and run ads about how I’m going to change those things.
✅ Piggyback off every current “social issue” that Mainstream Media talks about, while ignoring what people really want and need.
✅ Talk about fixing things, but never provide any detailed plans of how I’m going to do that.
✅ Accept legal bribes in the form of “campaign contributions.”
✅ Write policies that hurt my constituents while convincing them of the opposite.
✅ Spend millions on propaganda and trash-talking ads instead of investing that money into our society.
✅ Pay for shill accounts on Facebook to sway public opinion and bury the truth.
✅ Create make-believe problems and promise to fix those non-existent issues.
✅ Make being a Floridian legal again.

Big Sugar

The massive, toxic algae bloom currently swirling around the peninsula of Florida has its origins in an ongoing cycle of political manipulations, kickbacks, loosening of environmental and water regulations, an aging water-transfer infrastructure in and around Lake Okeechobee, and a Governor in the pocket of Big Sugar. It all adds up to one vicious chain, and guess who gets to foot the bill?

Cartoon by Ed Hall.

More information:

Political Propaganda

We officially endorse that one dude who’s always chillaxing outside of liquor stores telling funny stories. We also endorse Florida Woman, who doesn’t take any shit from anyone.

Political propaganda will be in full swing again very soon. Corrupt politicians will go on TV and ironically tell you that “many politicians are corrupt,” to make it look like they’re on your side. They’re not on your side. They will research what pisses people off most, run ads about those things, and use their media power to polarize us even further. Keep your emotions in check, love one another, and don’t believe the Straw Man arguments. They will manipulate your emotions and make lofty promises. Don’t fall for it. There are of course good ones and bad ones, in between, and ever changing. We will try our best to only report insane, funny stories, but it’s our mission at WTF Florida to expose fuckery in Florida… that fuckery may include polytricks. We will try to offend equally, to hopefully unite us all. Stop thinking in terms of which “side” is going to “win,” because that’s how the corporations that run the show want us to be. That kind of thinking renders us inept and contemptuous, and worst of all, it distracts us from the truth.

Secede July 16, 2018

We, the people of the State of Florida in Convention assembled, do solemnly ordain, publish and declare: That the State of Florida hereby withdraws herself from the country existing under the name of the United States of America, and from the existing Government of said country.

July 16, 2018

Police Chief Told Cops to Arrest Random Black People to Boost Stats

Former Biscayne Park Police Chief Raimundo Atesiano at a commission meeting in 2013, claiming the village’s burglaries were all solved. Prosecutors say he framed an innocent teen to clear the cases. (Miami Herald)

Biscayne Park (WTFF) A former police chief and two officers have been charged with falsely pinning four burglaries on a teenager just to impress village leaders with a perfect crime-solving record. Full Story »

Politics versus Ethics

As a result of sifting through countless arrest affidavits and living in Florida, we are very familiar with suffering, which is a result of greed, hatred, and delusion. Occasionally our page will support movements in Florida that aim to lessen the amount of suffering in our world. Some people accuse us of being “political.” We don’t take sides. The whole left and right divide is at best a distraction. Federal indictments show that outside influences spent millions to further the divide, as they continue to do with “trolling.” Don’t take the bait.

If you have replaced your humanity with political loyalty, then you may not like what we post here. Kindly leave us in peace. For the rest of you who actually care about Floridians (and non-Floridians), we welcome you here. This is a place for everyone. From rednecks to thugs to conservatives to liberals to gun nuts to hippies, we all are one. All the labels blend together to form humans, and many of us fall into several if not all of those categories. Florida’s a very diverse place, and that’s what makes it so amazing. Don’t let polytricks distract and divide us.

The Florida Man Facebook page wrote an excellent note about politics versus ethics, which we are quoting below:

Ethics versus politics

Because I’m seeing some confusion:

Disagreeing about the most effective way to provide food for hungry kids is “politics.”

Disagreeing about whether or not hungry kids should be fed at all is “ethics.”

Disagreeing about the most effective, safe, and humane ways to provide aid and shelter to refugees is politics.

Disagreeing about whether or not we should help people fleeing violence and oppression at all is ethics.

Disagreeing about what’s the most effective and efficient way of providing healthcare to everyone who needs it is politics.

Disagreeing about whether or not we should let poor people suffer and die because they lack the ability to pay for healthcare is ethics.

I could go on (and feel free to share your own examples).

I’m not getting too invested in a “political discussion,” or unfairly discriminating against you because of your “political beliefs.”

I’m reacting with the appropriate level of horror, anger, and sadness one feels when encountering a person whose ethics are so warped and rapacious that any decent human being would be disgusted, and even genuinely frightened.

I’m not taking politics “too personally.” You’re not taking the the massive violations of basic human rights, and the suffering of real thinking, feeling people, personally *enough*.

Tallahassee, The Capital of Florida

My name is Tallahassee
a’on know about y’all,
but I’m real damn proud
Of my cock and my balls.

The capital of Florida,
America’s wang,
got some Antebellum babies
that became unchained.

Most of us are meth heads,
hidin’ in the woods,
all the dang northeasterners
ruined our moods…

All state laws
pass through my city,
Ah like ’em even more
if you think they’re shitty.