State of Florida

Written by Randy W.

State Of Florida:

Miles and miles of strip malls with divorce lawyers, tattoos, pawn shops,etc., Wal-Marts every mile, trailer courts, trailer parks, trailer trash, malls, strip malls, mini-malls, cops, artery-clogging steak houses, McDonald’s/Wendy’s/Burger Kings every 3 blocks, constant hot/humid weather, dixie this, dixie that, little lizards climbing the trees, “neighbors” who will call the cops on you at the slightest provocation, Banks every 500yds when you don’t have any money, useless spanish moss, people from other countries working public service jobs who speak a different language than you, highway billboards (for readers) too numerous to describe obscuring highway signs, most of them offering funeral / cremation deals or promoting another “lemming trap” alcohol-related trend, seniors driving 30m.p.h. in a 55 zone, uneducated/scary-looking people with tattoos, sinkholes, sleazy strip-joints, guaranteed minimum wage jobs, liquor stores every 2 blocks, “Jerry Springer” people everywhere, more cops, official state “zero tolerance” signs with a little illustration of handcuffs to rub-the-point-in (bastards), traffic lights synchronized so cops can ticket you easier, speed bumps designed to damage car suspension systems, gated communities loaded with better-than-thou people, FAT cops with mean grins, white trash from god-knows-where that just got out of prison last month usually playing their stereo loud at night so you can’t sleep, mosquitoes that fly SO fast you actually can’t swat them, snakes/alligators/fire ants/scorpions, alcohol/drug-addicted people driving, running, walking & crawling everywhere if they’re not unconscious.

An entire state without a library, museum, or cultural institution in sight for 100’s of miles but there’s always a Wal-Mart 300 yards away from you.

Trip Patrol

There should be a serious constitutional amendment to legalize all drugs.

Take the role away from cops so they can focus on violent crimes.

Create a “trip patrol” who come equipped with mental health training to talk down “bad trips” but with a few backups who can tackle drunk people and PCP users if needed.

This should be common sense. Am I missing something?


The articles on WTF Florida often have a liberal slant. We do that on purpose because it’s funny and we do actually support many left-leaning ideas in politics, such as treatment over prison for drug addicts, free access to quality health care and education, treating our environment with respect, and generally making progress. One distinction from the “liberals” though, is that we fully support so-called “gun rights.” The right wing’s got it right when it comes to individual liberties. Liberals tend to get carried away with wanting to ban things like guns and speech. Conservatives, on the other hand, tend to promote banning things like net neutrality and environmental policies that prevent gross abuses by Capitalists. Both sides are destroying our liberty and freedom with such efforts.

WTF Florida supports gun and rifle owners. We also support actual “common sense” gun policies. Banning so-called “assault rifles,” including the AR-15, is a bad idea. Enforcing mandatory background checks and providing free gun training are good ideas.

Banning guns to prevent violence is like banning sex-education to prevent pregnancies.

Guns are a part of life in this epoch. We should learn to face reality and be more responsible.

“…any attempt to disarm the workers must be frustrated, by force if necessary.” -Karl Marx

“Why I ‘Need’ an AR-15” -Jon Stokes on gun control

Prison + Profit

It’s almost like arresting drug addicts and spending tax dollars to put them in overpriced storage containers only to release them later with no rehabilitation and with a record that denies them from having a good job doesn’t really work for society.

Are humans actually so ignorant that they believe these efforts are effective? Or do our policy makers just pretend to be stupid because the prison system is so profitable to them and the private companies that orchestrate their decisions?

Stand Your Ground

If someone tries to assault you in any way, be sure to Stand Your Ground and place a bullet inside of them. If you let them live, they could hurt someone else. If you go through the courts, the assailant will be untouchable if they have money or political clout. Do the world a favor and exercise your rights to carry a concealed weapon and defend yourself.

Liberal Twitter Feed

Show a topic that makes you angry, but one that makes you feel solidarity with other angry people.

Show another one.

And another.

Show an ad about something that some advertiser thinks you might want to pay for, based on your data.

Like-minded people agreeing with each other.


News article about how Trump tweeted something stupid.

More angry people.


People sitting on their computer complaining and not taking drastic measures to ameliorate their proclaimed “drastic situation.”

Stupid Republicans saying stupid things that we can laugh at for a second. They vote though.

Video of cute puppies.

Obligation to Kindness

From @Are0h on

Remember, you are under no obligation to be kind to people that mean you harm. You do not owe civility to anyone that denies your basic human right to exist safely.

It is pointless to attempt to reason with a person that is resigned to believe your suffering is necessary and your pain in inevitable.

Resist that falsehood. Use a bat if you have to.

You matter. Your safety and well being matter. Full Story »

Terms of Use in a Nutshell

Basically, we ain’t responsible for shit, you ain’t responsible for shit, everyone can say whatever the fuck they want. Nobody can (successfully) sue us for libel, because our shit’s tight and we only report facts directly from arrest affidavits or other news sources. Nobody can sue use for making fun of them because of 17 U.S.C. § 107. We don’t have to be decent because of 47 U.S.C. § 230. No company can try to censor us because of Florida Statutes 768.295. Our readers can write any comment they want, even if it’s disturbing, because “the comments posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. No legal action may be taken against a user for their comments.” Full Story »


Florida used to be shaped like an erect penis pointing towards Morocco until all the old people moved down and made it hang limp. Cape Dementia and The Villages hold the largest concentration in the world of retired dying waste known as Baby Boomers.

Republicans in 2018

Republicans are brainwashed. They don’t know how to decipher between facts and lies. Republicans are willfully ignorant and intellectually lazy. Even when they are told the truth, they don’t care and refuse to look it up. If any of them had half a brain, they would know that Trump is a Populist Authoritarian. And just like the Populist Authoritarians that were democratically elected in Germany (1930’s), Russia, Venezuela, Turkey, and recently Hungary, Trump will destroy this democracy too.

Republicans have never been taught how you decipher the information they receive is fact or lies. They were never taught credibility testing methods. Fox and the GOP have used this to brainwash them for a couple decades now. They are too far gone to reach. They are incapable of correctly answering the following:

  1. Explain to me your specific methods as to how you decipher the information you receive is fact or lies.
  2. How many times has Trump been found guilty of breaking federal laws in federal courts? And how many times has Obama been found guilty of breaking federal laws in federal court?

Source: comments in article.

God Bless Florida Man

God bless Florida Man, for his crimes that hurt no one. He is truly free, something that upsets and frightens those who wish to control the masses.

While Catholic priests boink little boys in the butt and church leaders use tithe money to hide the truth, Florida Man simply strips his clothes off like supralapsarian Adam, innocently nude and meandering through the streets, devoid of perversion, yet judged as a pervert.

While politicians take bribes to perpetuate the “school to prison pipeline,” Florida Man, who dropped out of school at a young age, drunkenly drawls out real-world knowledge and tells us to never trust the government.

While pharmaceutical industries peddle poison through “pain clinics” and knowingly supply the black market of opiates, Florida Man takes MDMA and goes to Lake Eola to “be with the swans because they don’t judge him.”

While the U.S. becomes the laughing stock of the world, Americans point their fingers at our peninsula and ridicule our ways of life.

The same way you judge others, you will be judged. Just remember that.

Love one another and let Florida shine.

Political Promises

Hi, I’m almost every political candidate, and I promise to:

✅ Pander to my base with rhetorical phrases and uplifting but empty promises.
✅ Make you fight to keep your constitutional rights.
✅ Blame the other side.
✅ Find what pisses you off and run ads about how I’m going to change those things.
✅ Piggyback off every current “social issue” that Mainstream Media talks about, while ignoring what people really want and need.
✅ Talk about fixing things, but never provide any detailed plans of how I’m going to do that.
✅ Accept legal bribes in the form of “campaign contributions.”
✅ Write policies that hurt my constituents while convincing them of the opposite.
✅ Spend millions on propaganda and trash-talking ads instead of investing that money into our society.
✅ Pay for shill accounts on Facebook to sway public opinion and bury the truth.
✅ Create make-believe problems and promise to fix those non-existent issues.
✅ Make being a Floridian legal again.

Newton’s Florida Laws

Newton’s First Law of Florida:

Every peninsula in a state of uniform fuckery tends to remain in that state of fuckery unless a logical force is applied to it.

Newton’s Second Law of Florida:

The relationship between a person’s stupidity s, their bravery b, and their overall Floridaness F is F = sb. As stupidity and bravery increase, so does their overall Floridaness.

Newton’s Third Law of Florida:

For every Florida Man or Florida Woman there is an equal and opposite Floridian.