Ringtones and The Villages

You haven’t seen true pandemonium until you’ve witnessed the mad fumbling of pocket and purse searching in The Villages when a default ring tone goes off.

Suddenly, accompanying the alarm, an orchestra of candy wrappers and groans create a soundtrack to the story of each person desiring to answer their phone.

Even the ones who had their grandkids update their ringtones leap out of their geriatric slumber to answer the incoming call… It could be important.

Perhaps it’s the IRS calling to verify their social security number. Maybe it’s a shipping update on that Viagra order.

The rumpus is further exaggerated as wives plead with their weary husbands to hurry up, disparaging their every effort with wrinkly contempt.

Everyone over 60 fumbles through their belongings.

Peppermint candies and Werther’s Originals scatter across the floor. Lightly crumbled tissues float away. Hands get stuck in pockets. Walkers and canes tumble. Hips are broken. Emergency rooms are inundated. Such is life in the world’s largest retirement community.

Hell

Greetings everyone, website admin here. Last night I was swimming in a lake and an alligator bit me. Well, “bite” is an understatement. He ripped me in half and both sides of my severed body thrashed around with bloody palpitations. Every time a neuron fired from my brain to my lower extremities, it resulted in a misfire and created extremely painful convulsions as my life slowly exited my body. Then I started drowning (my top half rather). It was all very exciting and curious, and I wish someone had it on video. Full Story »

Toucan

░░░░░░░░▄▄▄▀▀▀▄▄███▄
░░░░░▄▀▀░░░░░░░▐░▀██▌
░░░▄▀░░░░▄▄███░▌▀▀░▀█
░░▄█░░▄▀▀▒▒▒▒▒▄▐░░░░█▌
░▐█▀▄▀▄▄▄▄▀▀▀▀▌░░░░░▐█▄
░▌▄▄▀▀░░░░░░░░▌░░░░▄███████▄
░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐███████████▄
░░░░░░░░░░░░░▐░░░░▐█████████████▄
░░░░░░░░░░░░░░▀▄░░░▐██████████████▄

Full Story »

Zimmerman

The fact that Zimmerman is still out and about is a a theatrical and disturbing example of how racism plagues this state. To counter that, we have Miami, a shining beacon of hope that spreads international culture throughout the veins of the dirty south. To be fair though, most of the Florida natives and locals are kind people that love everybody regardless of race. Florida is the not the south, it’s a hybrid of many things. Most of the people are good here. It’s usually the fucked up people from more traditional “southern” states that bring their racism. People up north generally don’t put up with that shit… we call people out and make fun of them for being a racist. They don’t do that in the south; they either ignore it, deny it, or encourage it generally. Florida has some of these people, of course, but the real Florida folk love everyone equally and we don’t judge too harshly.