Tampa Man Escaping Irma Gets Arrested for Lewdness in Massachusetts

Salem Police

Trampites are a peculiar species. Here in Florida, we just get used to their antics. We smile and nod as they describe their disturbing sexual escapades. We adapt to their unpredictability; from their avoidance of using turn signals to their random public masturbation, we find ways to safely share the beautiful state of Florida with these invasive creatures.

Floridians are not afraid of hurricanes… except Paul West. Full Story »

Florida Woman Seduces Linemen into Fixing Her Power after Irma

Kynse Agles

ABC Action News reports:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — A Florida woman got creative with spare spray paint and plywood and made a sign to get the power company’s attention.

“I thought that all of my neighbors would get a huge kick out of it,” said Kynse Agles.

She posed for a photo next to her pink sign that reads, “Hot single female seeks sexy lineman to electrify her life.”
Full Story »

Ax-Wielding Guest Threatens Man who Gave Him a Place to Stay During Hurricane Irma

A Port St. Lucie man, trying to do the right thing during Hurricane Irma, learned that no good deed goes unpunished.

He was letting Tarvice Lamar Payne stay at his home in the 900 block of SW Connecticut Terrace during the storm when his guest attacked him, according to Port St. Lucie police.

Payne, 33, of Royal Palm Beach, accused the alleged victim of stealing his drugs, so he punched him and then threatened him with an ax, a police report states. Full Story »

Lazy Person’s Guide to Surviving a Hurricane like a Pro

hurricane blowing

So, the mad scramble begins. Stores are shutting down, gas stations are wrapping up their pumps, and people are panicking… especially the newbies here.

Veteran Florida People are not worried.

How can you, as a non-native who failed to buy supplies ahead of time, survive this storm? Well it’s very easy. Learn from the locals, and you will be just fine. Hopefully one or two little markets are still open and you can fight the crowds to do some last minute shopping, if not just ignore the first couple of tips. Full Story »

Florida HQ on Hurricane Irma

rick-scott-hurricane-irma

Irma on track to be the most catastrophic storm for Florida, says Governor Rick Scott

“Hurricane Irma is beginning to better, err, to batter the Florida Keys with dangerous winds…”

One good thing about our state is we have very interpretive interpreters…

 

Greedy Bitches

gas-out-irma

If you’re one of the people who bought 6 months worth of bottled water and gas right at the last minute, you just fucked over thousands of people by preventing them from having any at all. You have a moral responsibility to share if this storm really does do some damage. Don’t be a greedy bitch.

Naked Hurricane Party

A man rides a bike past a bar with boarded up windows ahead for the arrival of Hurricane Irma in Tampa
A man rides a bike past a bar with boarded up windows ahead for the arrival of Hurricane Irma in Tampa, Florida, U.S., September 9, 2017. REUTERS/Chris Wattie

OK, so Reuters fucked up the information, but thankfully a Facebook fan corrected us. This is actually in Land O’ Lakes, Florida at a clothing optional resort called “Caliente.”

Florida man falls to death installing storm shutters ahead of Hurricane Irma

Man dies after falling from ladder while putting up shutters at Davie home20170908203205_10567589_ver1.0_1280_720

DAVIE, Fla. – The first Hurricane Irma-related death to be reported in South Florida happened Thursday in Davie, authorities said.

Davie police said a 57-year-old man died after falling off a ladder while putting up shutters at a home in the Shenandoah area.

“I never seen anything like that in my life, though. So, it’s really graphic,” Austin Doan said. Full Story »

Polk County Sheriff’s Office tells evacuees seeking shelter from Hurricane Irma that they will be escorted to jail if they have a warrant

Redditor GALACTICA-Actual has a brilliant exposition on this:

I’m ex law enforcement, and yes, this was an asshole move. I don’t know anything about this guy, so I’m not going to try to speak to his motivations, but this is problematic in a few ways.

Yes, if we run someone for a warrant and they pop, we’re duty bound to arrest them. And that’s how it should be.

The problem arises that people with warrants will possibly not seek shelter and may die because of that. Warrants can be for things as minor as traffic offenses. Full Story »

Florida Man arrested after doing burnouts in front of news crews during hurricane

– A Minneola man seeking an extra thrill during Hurricane Matthew was arrested after doing burnouts in his truck around reporters in Daytona Beach.

20-year-old Brandon Ware was arrested early Friday morning for reckless driving and booked into the Volusia County Branch Jail.

The t-shirt Ware was wearing was explicit and ironic reading “(expletive) speeding tickets”.

According to police Ware was doing burnouts in his black GMC truck in the 700 block of South Atlantic Avenue where news crews were. Police say Ware did multiple 360’s in a reckless manner and at a high rate of speed at the base of the bridge.

Records show Ware was released from jail Friday evening after posting $500 bail.

Source: fox32chicago.com

Hurricane Matthew really brings out the best in us. Thank you again, Florida Man.