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Cat 4 Florence Fixin’ to Fly Past Florida

Florida (WTFF) – Hey y’all, that hurricane ain’t gonna hit us none.

That sumbitch big though. It’s almost a category 5, going 140 mph and creepin’ over to the rest of ‘Murka.

Florence is fixin’ to head straight up to North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia according to that there weather man.

It’s big and it’s coming for you. Get ready to ride it out.

They ain’t really prepared like us Floridians. They’re fixin’ to evacuate on the coast, according to “fake newsCNN.

Residents of the Isle of Palms, South Carolina, fill sandbags in preparation for Hurricane Florence. (CNN)

The NWS reported that it aint’ gettin’ no weaker.

Some a y’all been asking ’bout hurricane tips. We ain’t really got none ‘cept stay drunk and make sure you stock up on bullets. Ain’t no man live forever. Just hunker down and enjoy nature. Whatever happens, happens.

Spaaaaaaaaaaaaace

Y’all stay safe now, ya hear!?


CORRECTIONS: We done fucked up and said Florence was a Cat 5, but it ain’t yet.

Cat 4 Florence Fixin’ to Fly Past Florida

Category: Nature
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