New Web Site Owner – Baphomet

satan again

HELLo everybody. Baphomet here. I’m the new owner of WTF Florida.

I’ve been trying to buy the site for quite some time now, but the original admin kept refusing. He said something about wanting to make people laugh to bring them together, and that even though he made fun of everybody, he still had lots of love and hope for the human race. What a little bitch, lol.

Anyways, he’s dead now. I sent out my minion “Bubba the Gimp” to ass rape him, gouge his eyes out, pour bleach on fresh cuts, and force him to listen to hick-hop (country rap). After a fun night of torture, I told Bubba to stick a shotgun in his mouth and blow his fuckin’ head off. Thanks to Florida’s “Stand Your Ground” law, this is perfectly legal… which is honestly kinda fucked up, and I’m literally The Devil… Anyways, his fresh corpse has been buried at the Tallahassee National Cemetery just to fuck with him (he’s always felt a little awkward in North Florida). Full Story »

Meet “Joey,” Siesta Key’s New Resident!

Siesta Key

Dear audience,

MTV here. Viacom stopped giving us money after the whole shark thing (who knew Florida idiots were so sensitive about animals, eh) but us folks here at MTV don’t give up easily. With our budget cuts, we had to lose our old staff… but that doesn’t mean we’re going away! We are proud to present JOEY! The charismatic young man moving into Siesta Key and making it famous. You can thank us later.

Sincerely,

MTV a..k.a. Viacom

Florida Cop bakes a ‘Sorry I Tased You’ cake for the innocent woman he attacked

Sorry I Tased You cake.
Sorry I Tased You.

Pensacola, FL – A Florida deputy is being accused of excessive force, and adding insult to injury by baking his victim a “sorry I tased you” cake. According to victim Stephanie Byron, deputy Michael Wohlers showed up at the building where she worked for no reason. He then began bullying her and other employees that were present. Full Story »

Florida man, high on meth, ‘cuts off genitals, feeds them to alligator’

A 52-year old man from Tavares in Florida’s Lake County is tonight in intensive care after he was seriously injured during what has been described by investigators as a ‘five-day binge on methamphetamine’. According to reports by local media, the victim, Mr Frank Canfield, was found by neighbors ‘writing on the ground in pain’ outside his property.

As his neighbors approached Mr Canfield, they could see he was ‘clutching his groin region’, which seemed to be soaked in blood. “I asked him what he’d done,” commented one of Mr Canfield’s neighbors, who was not named in the article. “He told me he’d hurt himself badly and asked me to call for help”.

Full Story »