Blue Balls

blue-balls-awareness

Public service announcement to all the young, naïve girls dating a Florida Man:

Nobody really dies from blue balls. They’re just trying to guilt you into having sex. The sperm does not “crawl into the brain” or anything like that, as they will try to make you believe. Yes, someone actually said that once. Full Story »

Bella Vista Baptist Church

bella vista baptist church
Bella Vista Baptist Church “Forgiveness Is Swallowing When You Want To Spit.”

A church in Edgewater had to change their sign about forgiveness after it was mistaken for a sexual innuendo.

“We apologize if anyone was offended,” officials from the church wrote, according to clickorlando.com.

Florida school district picks abstinence-only center to provide sex education

edumacation education

A Florida school district has signed on with an abstinence-only center to provide sex education — or, rather, “relationship education” — to teens, replacing curriculum that had been informed by the Florida Department of Health.

The Santa Rosa County School District has decided to have the Pregnancy Resource Center in Milton, Fla., provide sex education to high school students in the form of 12 lessons in two 50-minute sessions over two days, according to this report in the Pensacola News Journal. Lesson No. 8 is “Steps of intimacy and how to stop them”; Lesson No. 12: “Saving sex for marriage.”
Full Story »

Florida Man Says Hidden Cameras in His Airbnb Were for Sex Parties, Not Spying

airbnb hidden camera

There’s a seemingly infinite well of horror stories about Airbnb hosts returning home to find their houses robbed, trashed, or turned into impromptu brothels. But it turns out things can get pretty weird for Airbnb guests, too. An Indiana couple on vacation in Florida was horrified earlier this week when they discovered a hidden camera inside the bedroom of their Airbnb, ABC reports.
Full Story »

Florida Doctor texts his patient ‘You need a sugar daddy’

ely pelta

Doctors in Florida aren’t too bright. Ely Pelta, who used to be a psychiatrist, proves our point… and gets his license suspended in the same motion.

Instead of doing what most lonely people with money do and rent hookers, he decided to be a creep.

He suggested to a brand new patient, via text, that he become her “sugar daddy” to fix her problems. The text messages kept getting worse, and he finally got into a little bit of trouble. He’s been doing this kind of thing for a while, perhaps inspired by the devious bits of Freud’s legacy.

She had come to him for help with work-related anxiety and depression.

Read more here: https://www.miamiherald.com/news/health-care/article176221116.html

Tampa Man Escaping Irma Gets Arrested for Lewdness in Massachusetts

Salem Police

Trampites are a peculiar species. Here in Florida, we just get used to their antics. We smile and nod as they describe their disturbing sexual escapades. We adapt to their unpredictability; from their avoidance of using turn signals to their random public masturbation, we find ways to safely share the beautiful state of Florida with these invasive creatures.

Floridians are not afraid of hurricanes… except Paul West. Full Story »

Florida Woman Seduces Linemen into Fixing Her Power after Irma

Kynse Agles

ABC Action News reports:

FORT MYERS, Fla. — A Florida woman got creative with spare spray paint and plywood and made a sign to get the power company’s attention.

“I thought that all of my neighbors would get a huge kick out of it,” said Kynse Agles.

She posed for a photo next to her pink sign that reads, “Hot single female seeks sexy lineman to electrify her life.”
Full Story »

Republican Ross Spano Proposes a Bill Declaring Porn a Public Health Crisis

spano ross

Living in Florida can be stressful.

More often than not, an ejaculation can safely unravel the knotted web of frustration spun into our minds by the scolding heat and insanity that we face on a daily basis.

Porn helps with this release immensely, especially for those on a tight schedule. Most people can agree it’s harmless, and even has medical benefits such as lowering blood pressure.

Not Ross Spano… Full Story »

Florida Woman Punches Husband Who Interrupted Her Masturbating

flavia garrett higgs

Let’s meet Garrett and Flavia Higgs, a Port St. Lucie couple in their early 40’s.

Like most Florida couples, they have issues.

For over a year, they’ve been sleeping in separate beds and have been denying each other the sweet release of orgasm. The avoidance of intimacy influences human emotions with great intensity. Unless you’ve replaced your sexual desires with something more profound and valuable, such as when people become celibate to live a monastic life, then you will suffer.

Garrett was suffering.

So, when he came home late Wednesday night and heard the intense moans of his estranged wife coming from her bedroom, he reacted.

He banged on the door and did not get a response. This disturbed him, as images of another man on top of his wife plagued his worried mind. Full Story »

Florida Woman beats a man for denying her sex

Rebecca Lynn Phelps

“Stop hitting me!” cried out a Florida Man at 2am on Thursday.

Florida Woman Rebecca Lynn Phelps smacked him in retaliation to the request.

She screamed with anger and left red marks on his face. She then scratched him.

Blood dripped down from the scratch on his arm as he threatened to call 911.

Just two Floridians doing some late-night S&M? Nope, not in this case (that woulda been Tampa) …

This man was getting his ass kicked because he refused to have sex with her. Full Story »

Florida Man seeks threesome to ‘ride out the hericane’

jacksonville-irma-threesome-01616_822oFrJLhRN_1200x900

Just in case you’re interested, here’s the original link:

https://keys.craigslist.org/m4w/d/do-you-need-place-to-ride-out/6296305618.html


do you need a place to ride out storm (jacksonville)

hello ladys single man here looking for any single women needing a place to stay in Jacksonville to ride out the hericane i live alone but hate to sleep alone its more fun to cuddle hold someone i dont smoke drink or do drugs but 420 friendly.i have a clean home with room to spare im white 5 8 160 blue eyes and lonely ive always wanted to be with 2 women at once so we can work something out lol you must respond with picture and tell me what you want to do or looking for if youre looking for something long term with a good man 50 dont look it or act it lol no picture no reply i like younger women age is just a number if you send a phone nuber with your picture ill call you not text call if i cant talk to you im not interested plain and simple too old for games

post id: 6296305618

body: athletic
height: 5’8″ (172cm)
status: single
florida: florida
age: 50

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