It’s gonna be really f*cking cold in Florida; impending snow, death, mayhem

(WTFF) – Put on extra pairs of socks before you step into your sandals this week, because Florida’s gonna get really f*cking cold and we’re all gonna die*. Full Story »

Florida Wind Exposes New Jersey Woman’s Nether Regions

Gloria Havens

Stuart, FL (WTFF) — A New Jersey woman wearing a hospital gown in the streets was arrested in Stuart, FL on a breach of peace charge.

Just as the east and west coast bring in trash from the ocean, the northern border brings in trash from the rest of America.

Gloria Havens is a 60-year-old woman from New Jersey, and given her belligerence, can safely be lumped into that latter group of trash.

She was hanging out on Southeast Isabelita Avenue when her New Joysey sloppiness erupted.
Full Story »

Florida Woman arrested after flashing her father in an argument

Jamie Lynn Elmerick

STUART — A woman accused of exposing herself before arguing about mail got locked up on a breach of peace charge, according to a Martin County Sheriff’s Office report.

Jamie Lynn Elmerick, 26, was jailed following the July 10 incident in Stuart that “outraged and horrified” her father, the report states.

Elmerick told investigators her boyfriend dropped her off at her father’s house to get some clothes that she left after moving out months earlier. She said she went to the mail box to get her mail, and her father took the mail from her hand. She said she called 911 to get it back.

Elmerick’s father, however, said Elmerick came over unannounced. He said he let her in to get her clothes “because she had broken into his home in the past and did not want her to do so again,” the report states.

He said she started yelling about family issues before dropping her pants and exposing herself to him and another man.

“(Elmerick’s father) stated he was outraged and horrified that his daughter exposed herself and had to look away because he was embarrassed by the display,” the report states.

A purpose behind the alleged showing of Elmerick’s nether regions was not listed.

Elmerick’s father said she pulled up her pants and they began quarreling about the mail.

Another man there also said Elmerick exposed herself, and that he “was disturbed and horrified that she was exposing herself like that.”

Elmerick, of Okeechobee, was arrested on a misdemeanor breach of peace charge.


Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up

Let's Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up
“Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up.”

Dear Floridians (and everybody else),

Florida’s a fucked up place. From animal abusers to angry ex-cops to Zimmerman to horse fuckers, we have plenty of issues. WTF Florida is your source for these fucked up news articles, and we encourage hysterical laughter at the zany headlines coming out of the Gunshine State.

After the laughter comes tears. The victims of Florida’s insanity aren’t laughing (unless they’re truly demented, which happens sometimes). We have a responsibility to improve Florida as much as we can.

WTF Florida would like to state a new mission:

We are dedicated to becoming a Karma Neutral State.

We want Florida’s karmatic number to be perfectly balanced at zero. Laughing at other people’s misery brings negative karma. Doing fucked up shit brings negative karma. Helping people who have been fucked over by Florida’s insanity brings you positive karma. We are still going to make fun of everybody who shows up on this site, but we are also going to start getting more serious about fixing stupid shit.

From this point on, we will occasionally start petitions to bring about justice, and to fix things that are unfair or that defy morals. We encourage our readers to help, not only by signing and sharing these petitions, but to also create them yourselves and to contact your representatives when appropriate. Please contact us if you have an issue that is important to you.

Send us info about your non-profit group or activism group, and we will try to get you more views (if you don’t mind being associated with us). Use the Contact page and let us know what you’re about.

All big problems start small. You can make a difference today by doing little things. Give a homeless person a bottle of water. Ask a local school what supplies they need and gift them with what you can afford. Use your fucking turn signals. The list goes on.

Help us help our state.

Let’s work together for the greater good.

Let’s make Florida slightly less fucked up.