It’s gonna be really f*cking cold in Florida; impending snow, death, mayhem

(WTFF) – Put on extra pairs of socks before you step into your sandals this week, because Florida’s gonna get really f*cking cold and we’re all gonna die*. Full Story »

Florida Man Attacks Lawn Mowing Neighbor with a Rake

Jeffrey Michael Meurer
Jeffrey Michael Meurer

(WTFF) – A man in Vero Beach was arrested after attacking his neighbor with a wooden rake over a lawn mowing disagreement.

It all started in the 2300 block of 12th Avenue.

An unnamed man, let’s call him “Friendly Neighbor,” was out living the American dream and driving his riding lawn mower around his yard to bring his landscape to aesthetic perfection.
Full Story »

Packers Fan Sets Himself on Fire With Flaming Jersey after Losing Bet to Cowboys

dallas greenbay
A man in Vero Beach burns himself after setting his losing jersey on fire.

VERO BEACH, Florida – A 27-year-old man was rushed to the Indian River Medical Center after suffering second and third-degree burns after watching the Dallas Cowboys and Green Bay Packers game in Vero Beach.

The Indian River County Sheriff’s Office received a call about the incident around 9:00 p.m. Sunday from a home in the 600 block of 9th Street in Vero Beach.
Full Story »

Drunken Florida Man Makes a Hobby out of Threatening Rape and Beheadings

Michael Girardin

VERO BEACH – Floridians have some strange hobbies. These hobbies get even more strange when alcohol is involved.

Runners in Vero Beach got a taste of this adage on Sept. 20, around the Merrill P. Barber Bridge.

Michael Girardin is a 62-year-old homeless Florida Man who was pedaling around on his bike while downing copious amounts of vodka. Full Story »

Vero Beach Man Asks Police To Punch Him: “I Deserve It”

vero-beach-man-burglary-purse-vehicle

VERO BEACH, Florida – Earlier this morning, the Vero Beach Police Department received a call about a burglary near the Flamingo Laundromat on U.S. Highway 1.

As officers arrived, they saw several people in the parking lot of Flamingo Laundry. One man, who was later identified as 28-year-old Mark Edward Pritchard, of Vero Beach, was yelling profanities at everyone.

A witness told police that he saw Pritchard leaving the parking lot with something hidden under his shirt, and then hiding something in the bushes behind the building, according to the report.

In the bushes, officers found a purse that was stolen from a vehicle valued at about $200.00. Full Story »

Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up

Let's Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up
“Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up.”

Dear Floridians (and everybody else),

Florida’s a fucked up place. From animal abusers to angry ex-cops to Zimmerman to horse fuckers, we have plenty of issues. WTF Florida is your source for these fucked up news articles, and we encourage hysterical laughter at the zany headlines coming out of the Gunshine State.

After the laughter comes tears. The victims of Florida’s insanity aren’t laughing (unless they’re truly demented, which happens sometimes). We have a responsibility to improve Florida as much as we can.

WTF Florida would like to state a new mission:

We are dedicated to becoming a Karma Neutral State.

We want Florida’s karmatic number to be perfectly balanced at zero. Laughing at other people’s misery brings negative karma. Doing fucked up shit brings negative karma. Helping people who have been fucked over by Florida’s insanity brings you positive karma. We are still going to make fun of everybody who shows up on this site, but we are also going to start getting more serious about fixing stupid shit.

From this point on, we will occasionally start petitions to bring about justice, and to fix things that are unfair or that defy morals. We encourage our readers to help, not only by signing and sharing these petitions, but to also create them yourselves and to contact your representatives when appropriate. Please contact us if you have an issue that is important to you.

Send us info about your non-profit group or activism group, and we will try to get you more views (if you don’t mind being associated with us). Use the Contact page and let us know what you’re about.

All big problems start small. You can make a difference today by doing little things. Give a homeless person a bottle of water. Ask a local school what supplies they need and gift them with what you can afford. Use your fucking turn signals. The list goes on.

Help us help our state.

Let’s work together for the greater good.

Let’s make Florida slightly less fucked up.

 

 

Floridians For Freedom

fff-smokey

Only the “Right Of Adults To Cannabis” amendment can secure your RIGHT to possess, cultivate, and use cannabis in a manner similar to your 2nd amendment right to “keep and bear arms” … think about that for a minute.

Whether you agree or disagree with Americans right to gun ownership, the strength of this protected right is clear and viewed my many as absolute. Floridians For Freedom​ believes adults right to whole plant cannabis should be comparable and hopes you agree. Full Story »

Vero Beach Man Hides in Bushes and Yells Obscenities at Passers-By

VERO BEACH – Imagine you’re a woman walking her 7-year-old child down the sidewalk, when suddenly a man jumps out of the bushes and starts screaming obscenities at you.

This scenario became a reality near a Jungle Club in Vero Beach.

Indian River County Sheriff’s Office responded to a call about a drunk man yelling obscene things at people. They showed up and found a man laying in a flower bed behind some bushes.

Joseph Samuel Jones, age 22, was arrested as a result. He was also arrested last month for yelling obscenities at vehicles.

An empty 99 Bananas Schnapps liquor bottle was found next to Joseph. The officer tapped his leg, and Joseph opened his eyes, mumbled, and closed his eyes again, the deputy reports.

Joseph finally stood up, drunk and unsteady.

The cops had to physically place him in the patrol car, and once inside, he started slamming his head into the cage and rear door.

Joseph was taken to Indian River County Jail and charged with disorderly intoxication.

Florida Mom tries to give her 2-year-old son away to strangers at Kountry Kitchen

Amber Warner
Amber Warner is accused of abandoning her 2-year-old son in the parking lot of the Kountry Kitchen in Vero Beach.

A Florida woman is accused of abandoning her 2-year-old son in a restaurant parking lot after she unsuccessfully tried to give him to strangers, police said.

Amber Warner, 31, approached a couple as they were leaving the Kountry Kitchen in Vero Beach and tried to get them to take her son, who she was carrying, Vero Beach police said.

Warner told the couple, “I can’t do it,” and then put the boy on the ground before driving away in a black truck, police said. Full Story »

Man arrested after urinating in mailbox

David Bender is charged with criminal mischief, accused of urinating in a neighbors mailbox. (Sebastian Police Department)

SEBASTIAN, Fla. (CBS12) — A man from Sebastian is facing charges after he urinated in his neighbor’s mailbox, according to police.

The Sebastian Police Department responded to the call on Newhall Terrace on Saturday.

According to the arrest report, the victim called police twice on Saturday due to his neighbor, David Bender, playing loud music. Full Story »

Man Exposes Penis During Church Service, Says ‘Lord Told Me To Do It’

VERO BEACH, Florida – On Wednesday, the Central Assembly Of God called the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office to report a man who exposed his penis during their church service in Vero Beach.

Christopher James Frey, 48, walked up during the service to the front of the stage and turned to face the crowd of 39 people.

Witnesses say Frey pulled down his pants and “exposed his penis to everyone in the room during the service,” according to the report.

Several men in the church ran to the front of the room and got Frey to “pull his pants up and escorted him out of the main area,” the report said.

Deputies then made contact with Frey and asked him why he exposed his penis to everyone in the room.

“The Lord told me to do it,” Frey told deputies.

Frey was arrested and transported to the Indian River County Jail where he was charged with exposure of sexual organs and disorderly conduct.

DISCLAIMER: Arrests and mugshots were made public by complaint affidavits, arrest affidavits, and police reports. All persons arrested are innocent until proven guilty.

Source: sebastiandaily.com

Florida Man high on flakka tries to break into jail

rempe-climbing-fence

INDIAN RIVER COUNTY, Fla. – Deputies arrested a man who they say was high on flakka when he tried to break into Indian River County Jail overnight by driving his car into the jail and climbing the fence to get away from authorities.

Patrick Rempe, 24, faces several charges, including aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, battery on a law enforcement officer, felony criminal mischief, leaving the scene of a crash with property damage and driving under the influence.

Deputies said Rempe, of Vero Beach, rammed his 2002 Toyota into the front doors of building C at the jail, barely missing a deputy outside and shattering the glass on the doors.
Full Story »

Florida Woman attacks husband with Toilet Lid

Angela Austin-Knight

Here in Sebastian we have a 48-year-old woman who, according to an affidavit, attacked her husband with a toilet lid. Angela Austin-Knight was arrested for domestic violence after police showed up in the 900 block of Truman Street in Sebastian, Florida.

The frightened husband told the 911 dispatcher that he “locked himself in the bathroom and his wife was attempting to gain access using a porcelain toilet lid.”

When the cops arrived they found her standing in the kitchen holding a bottle of liquor.

Apparently they had been arguing, and as the intensity grew, this wild banshee woman started to  “chaotically swing” at him, hitting him in the face and chest. He did what any man would do and ran away to hide in the bathroom.

The Toilet Lid Terrorist

“After realizing the door was locked, Angela then grabbed a nearby porcelain toilet lid, and used it to break the kitchen window, where she made entry into the residence,” states the affidavit.

Once she gained access, she “threatened to hurt him further with the porcelain toilet lid.”

Austin-Knight, our femme fatale Floridian, gave the police several different statements about the wild night. She was extremely intoxicated, as most Florida people are at all times. She was arrested that night of Oct. 17, 2015 and taken to jail.

Homeless man walks into Publix with a human skull, using it as a puppet

So this Florida Man found a human skull and decided to play with it. Waltzing into a grocery store in south Florida, he kindly entertained the customers with a puppet show.

“He was using it as a puppet,” said Nick Pecoraro… “It smelled like death.”

Source: https://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/10/09/florida-homeless-man-brings-human-skull-into-grocery-store/