It’s gonna be really f*cking cold in Florida; impending snow, death, mayhem

(WTFF) – Put on extra pairs of socks before you step into your sandals this week, because Florida’s gonna get really f*cking cold and we’re all gonna die*. »

Florida Man rescued after losing control of the swan-shaped boat he stole

An Orlando man was rescued after he stole a swan boat at Lake Eola, lost control of it, and then got stuck on the fountain. (orlandoweekly.com) UPDATE: Apparently he took a bunch of Ecstasy (MDMA) and said that “wanted to go be with the swans because they don’t judge him.” That actually makes sense actually. clickorlando.com has more […] »

Florida Burglar learned his skills from Naruto

Christopher Zahyeer Atkins
25-year-old Christopher Zahyeer Atkins of Altamonte Springs was arrested for burglary up in Atlanta on Monday. When police questioned him, he said that Naruto was teaching him how to be a ninja and how to break into places. He tried using his manga-learned skills to lift a rear door, but was unsuccessful. »

Florida Man Tells Airport Worker to Check his Bag “Before it Explodes”

Fred Gray
ORLANDO, Fla. – Officers responded to a “verbal face-to-face bomb threat” Thursday evening at the Orlando International Airport, Orlando police said in a news release. The release said Fred Gray told an employee that he needed to “get this bag checked in before it explodes.” Officers separated Gray from his bag and called for K-9 units, […] »

Day care worker in wheelchair allegedly caught raping baby in Orlando Chick-fil-A bathroom

david michael gray
ORLANDO, Fla. – A 35-year-old wheelchair-bound Orlando man was arrested and charged with numerous counts after a customer at a Chick-fil-A allegedly caught him raping a baby girl in the restaurant’s bathroom, police said. The witness told police that he went to the restroom and while he was at the urinal, saw something questionable in […] »