Coked-Out Florida Man Smacks a Police Horse’s Ass in Downtown Orlando

Casey Waldner

Casey Martin Waldner is a 29-year-old Florida Man who lives in Pace, a small town in the Panhandle near Pensacola. According to, this particular Florida Man came from San Diego, California originally. Florida Man is rarely ever from Florida. Since California is basically the other Florida, we can expect his behavior to be equally shitty.

He’s a North Floridian now. North Floridians hardly ever visit Orlando unless they’re spending their life savings on a family Disney trip. Occasionally though, these creatures visit Church St. where all the nightclubs are, and things tend to go sour…

Casey was in downtown Orlando Saturday night engaging in the local Orlando hobbies of getting belligerently drunk and snorting coke. Since life in Florida is a miserable existence with no clear route of escape, he does what most of our people do and kills away what’s left of his brain with reality-escaping substances. It sure beats his Panhandle home, where nightly entertainment usually involves cow-tipping and meth.

Feeling nice and numb, he marched sloppily down Orange Avenue near Washington Street. It was about 2:30 a.m. Sunday morning; the “witching hour” of drunken stupor, where most everyone feels confident regardless of their worthlessness.
Full Story »

Cocoa Woman Dies from Cocaine and Fire Ant Bites


Gustava Renee Rigsby was a Florida Woman who made it all the way to the age of 59. On Tuesday, the state medical examiner’s office finalized their autopsy report, determining how she died.

Back in June, she was snorting coke near Cocoa Meat & Produce, a hood grocery store in Cocoa, FL.

She passed out next to a trash can, as most coke heads will eventually do in their relatively short lives.
Full Story »

Drug Induced Hallucinations Compel Florida Couple to Call Police

Tatum Guyer James Turner

JUPITER FARMS – A woman called 911 Monday afternoon. Three men were on her Jupiter Farms driveway, she told a dispatcher. One had a rifle. Another was trying to enter the home.

What Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office authorities first thought was a home invasion turned out to be that woman’s cocaine- and Xanax-fueled hallucination, records state. Full Story »

Delray Dealer Invites Police into Home, Exposing $300,000, Drugs, and Guns

Jovani Alexander Caprio

DELRAY BEACH – Jovani Alexander Caprio knew that his Delray Beach townhouse was filled with drugs and cash.

But when he was asked by members of a Palm Beach County sheriff’s drug task force if they could check the home on the 100 block of Coconut Key Lane despite not having a warrant, Caprio agreed and even showed the agents inside the residence. Full Story »