‘Wet Willy’ Attack puts Florida Man in Jail

Fort Pierce (WTFF) – A Florida man was arrested after reportedly giving his girlfriend a “wet willy.”

47-year-old Joseph Sireci is facing a battery charge for the Aug. 15 “wet willy” attack, according to an arrest affidavit collected by TC Palm.

The girlfriend told St. Lucie County sheriff’s that Sireci was drunk on the living room floor when she got home from work.

She grabbed her daughter and her boyfriend and went to another home, where the Florida Man “continued to drink and be belligerent,” according to the arrest report.

While going home, she told police that Sireci grabbed her and pulled her arm.

He “continued by giving her a ‘wet willy’ sticking his finger in her ear.”

The daughter confirmed what happened.

Sireci said he wasn’t drunk, but refused to give a written statement.


Old Media went ape over this story. It’s not every day that domestic abuse is funny. An arrest affidavit that mentions a “wet willy” is a glorious click-bait ingredient.

Collecting the shekels, MSM bringing you the important news

It’s gonna be really f*cking cold in Florida; impending snow, death, mayhem

(WTFF) – Put on extra pairs of socks before you step into your sandals this week, because Florida’s gonna get really f*cking cold and we’re all gonna die*. Full Story »

Florida Man Punches Girlfriend over Missing Cookie

Port St. Lucie (WTFF) – A man was arrested after punching his girlfriend for allegedly eating the last cookie.

Last Thursday, 31-year-old Richard Hessic was hanging out with his girlfriend of three years. Like most most people who get sick of seeing each other all the time, they were arguing. This time the argument was about a cookie. Full Story »

St. Lucie Man tells the FBI he’s a very good bomb maker

Fort Pierce got some attention from the FBI on Thursday, Sept. 28 when they assisted St. Lucie County Sheriff’s officers with an arrest.

Charles Baker merited the visit by sending an online note to the FBI claiming to be a “very good bomb maker.” They were not impressed with his self-proclaimed skills. Perhaps if he wrote it like a resumé they would have offered him a job, but he spoiled his chances already…

He also threatened to kill any “fake feds” that come to his home.

In the note he mentioned that he’s needed the FBI for five years, and included a Department of Corrections inmate number. Full Story »

Florida Woman Punches Husband Who Interrupted Her Masturbating

flavia garrett higgs

Let’s meet Garrett and Flavia Higgs, a Port St. Lucie couple in their early 40’s.

Like most Florida couples, they have issues.

For over a year, they’ve been sleeping in separate beds and have been denying each other the sweet release of orgasm. The avoidance of intimacy influences human emotions with great intensity. Unless you’ve replaced your sexual desires with something more profound and valuable, such as when people become celibate to live a monastic life, then you will suffer.

Garrett was suffering.

So, when he came home late Wednesday night and heard the intense moans of his estranged wife coming from her bedroom, he reacted.

He banged on the door and did not get a response. This disturbed him, as images of another man on top of his wife plagued his worried mind. Full Story »

Ax-Wielding Guest Threatens Man who Gave Him a Place to Stay During Hurricane Irma

A Port St. Lucie man, trying to do the right thing during Hurricane Irma, learned that no good deed goes unpunished.

He was letting Tarvice Lamar Payne stay at his home in the 900 block of SW Connecticut Terrace during the storm when his guest attacked him, according to Port St. Lucie police.

Payne, 33, of Royal Palm Beach, accused the alleged victim of stealing his drugs, so he punched him and then threatened him with an ax, a police report states. Full Story »

‘Kiss my ass!’ yells Fort Pierce man as he moons police

austin-young

Like many nights in Fort Pierce, police were responding to a report of a shirtless drunk man causing trouble.

Austin Lee Young was found outside of an apartment, trying to get in.

Apparently the man who lives at that apartment “made inappropriate statements to his wife,” according to the police report.

Young said he lives nearby.

Police told Young he wasn’t allowed back on the property, and he got upset. Police say he shouted profanity and went back to his apartment. Full Story »

Florida Man points gun at self-defense teacher, tells him ‘martial arts are crap’

George Meyer

PORT ST. LUCIE – A Port St. Lucie parent was arrested Sunday after he pointed a loaded gun at a Grace Christian Academy self-defense instructor and told him “martial arts are crap”, city police said.

“Bang, you’re dead. No way you could have got me before I pulled it out,” George Meyer, 61, reportedly said.

Meyer, whose child is a student at the school, was attending an open house when he overheard the defense instructor telling someone that a gun is not always the best choice for self-defense since it can be easily taken away, said Sgt. Frank Sabol, Port St. Lucie police spokesman. Full Story »

Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up

Let's Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up
“Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up.”

Dear Floridians (and everybody else),

Florida’s a fucked up place. From animal abusers to angry ex-cops to Zimmerman to horse fuckers, we have plenty of issues. WTF Florida is your source for these fucked up news articles, and we encourage hysterical laughter at the zany headlines coming out of the Gunshine State.

After the laughter comes tears. The victims of Florida’s insanity aren’t laughing (unless they’re truly demented, which happens sometimes). We have a responsibility to improve Florida as much as we can.

WTF Florida would like to state a new mission:

We are dedicated to becoming a Karma Neutral State.

We want Florida’s karmatic number to be perfectly balanced at zero. Laughing at other people’s misery brings negative karma. Doing fucked up shit brings negative karma. Helping people who have been fucked over by Florida’s insanity brings you positive karma. We are still going to make fun of everybody who shows up on this site, but we are also going to start getting more serious about fixing stupid shit.

From this point on, we will occasionally start petitions to bring about justice, and to fix things that are unfair or that defy morals. We encourage our readers to help, not only by signing and sharing these petitions, but to also create them yourselves and to contact your representatives when appropriate. Please contact us if you have an issue that is important to you.

Send us info about your non-profit group or activism group, and we will try to get you more views (if you don’t mind being associated with us). Use the Contact page and let us know what you’re about.

All big problems start small. You can make a difference today by doing little things. Give a homeless person a bottle of water. Ask a local school what supplies they need and gift them with what you can afford. Use your fucking turn signals. The list goes on.

Help us help our state.

Let’s work together for the greater good.

Let’s make Florida slightly less fucked up.

 

 

Floridians For Freedom

fff-smokey

Only the “Right Of Adults To Cannabis” amendment can secure your RIGHT to possess, cultivate, and use cannabis in a manner similar to your 2nd amendment right to “keep and bear arms” … think about that for a minute.

Whether you agree or disagree with Americans right to gun ownership, the strength of this protected right is clear and viewed my many as absolute. Floridians For Freedom​ believes adults right to whole plant cannabis should be comparable and hopes you agree. Full Story »

Priest Pulls a Gun Out During Florida Road Rage Incident

Priest arrested in Florida road rage incident after pulling out gun

William Rian Adams, 35, was arrested in connection with a road rage incident on Florida’s Turnpike near Palm City Wednesday after pulling out a gun, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

According to an FHP report, Adams — a priest at Calvary Episcopal Church in Fletcher, N.C. — was driving a red Chevrolet Corvette when he “attempted to brake-check” another vehicle, a Chevrolet Silverado pick-up truck, that was closely following his Corvette.

“As the victim attempted to pass the Corvette, the driver [Adams] pointed a semi-automatic hand gun at them,” read the report. Full Story »

Cryo Squad Hacks St. Lucie County School District’s Twitter Page

hackers-psl

The first post said: “After heavy consideration, our district has decided to ban all African Americans from our school.”

The second was a graphic picture depicting two dead men.

Third was a reply to another posting stating: “removal of African Americans will boost grades 200%.”

The hackers said they did this for fun: “We’re bored as hell. We have a bunch of free time. Why the hell not?” Full Story »

Florida Man does Chicken Dance to Distract Police

PORT ST. LUCIE — When stopped by Port St. Lucie police, Shane Forsythe started doing the “chicken dance.”

But rather than celebrating the law enforcement encounter, police say Forsythe’s fowl jig served a foul purpose – functioning as a diversion for the passenger in his sport utility vehicle to run away, according to an arrest affidavit.

Police stopped Forsythe’s Ford Explorer on May 11 after noticing it had a missing headlight, “extremely” cracked windshield and two bald tires.

Police reported the vehicle was traveling erratically and that it appeared the passenger and driver were wrestling over the wheel.

When the Ford pulled in a driveway on Southeast Walsh Terrace, the driver – Forsythe – got out.

Full Story »

Florida man unplugs bounce house, trapping kids inside

A Port St. Lucie mother is peeved after a neighbor’s actions landed two children in the hospital.

Deborah Romero threw a party for her daughter when all of the sudden the bounce house deflated, reports CBS 12.

Nearly a dozen 2-3-year-olds were trapped inside under the hot and heavy plastic. She recalled that one child had to be pulled out by his leg. Of the two hospital-bound children, one was treated for distress while the other was checked for injuries. Full Story »

Florida Woman paid 15-year-old $300 for sex

Rebecca McGraw

A Florida woman is accused of paying a 15-year-old boy multiple times for sex.

Police in Port St. Lucie arrested Rebecca McGraw, 38, last week.  She was charged with five counts of sexual activity with a minor, according to records.  Police said the woman admitted to the acts.

The boy’s mom told police about the alleged sex abuse when she found a text message on his phone, according to news reports.

“In that message it was words to the effect that this child needed to seek out medical attention for a possible sexual transmitted infection,’ Sergeant Joe Norkus of Port St Lucie Police told WPBF. Full Story »

Florida Man Tries to Set Convenience Store On Fire to ‘Run the Arabs Out of Our Country,’ Sheriff Says

A 64-year-old Florida man tried to set a convenience store on fire because he thought the owners were Muslim, St. Lucie County Sheriff Ken Mascara said.

Richard Lloyd told deputies he wanted to “run the Arabs out of our country” so he pushed a dumpster in front of the Port St. Lucie store and set the contents on fire, Mascara said in a news release posted on Facebook.

Lloyd told detectives he assumed the owner was Muslim and that angered him because of “what they are doing in the Middle East,” Mascara said.

“It’s unfortunate that Mr. Lloyd made the assumption that the store owners were Arabic when, in fact, they are of Indian descent,” Mascara said. Full Story »

Child found chewing on used condom at school playground

Skool
A disgusting find for a local teacher led to a five-year-old child being rushed to the hospital.

The teacher found the child chewing on a used condom at a playground at St. Lucie Elementary.

The child’s parents went to the ER to get tests done for sexually transmitted diseases.

“One of my grandchildren is in the first grade and he is on that same playground,” said Teresa Walker, a grandmother of four. “I was in shock.”

According to reports, school security told police it’s not the first time they’ve had to remove similar items from school grounds.

Full Story »

Naked Florida man takes a dump and bicycles away

PSL police report

PORT ST. LUCIE — A man exposed himself at a local business before bicycling away naked.

That’s what a woman told Port St. Lucie police happened Jan. 23 at a home health care business in the 100 block of Southwest Port St. Lucie Boulevard, a police report states.

The woman said a man in his late teens or early 20s exposed himself from the waist down to several students there.

The accused nether regions exposer “defecated in the back of the school near their air-conditioning unit then took off running towards the front of the school while naked,” the report states.

Full Story »

Florida Woman covered in chicken wing sauce and blue cheese gets arrested for assaulting her boyfriend

Apparently her boyfriend had been lying about how much money he was making, so this woman, Trisha Brower, shows up at the hamburger joint he works at and confronts him about the $145 difference. You see, rent was due and this live-in boyfriend of hers was holding out.

After a little argument she starts walking out and decides in all of her Florida glory to throw chicken wings at him. Because that’s how adults in Florida resolve conflict.

“When she threw the container with the chicken wings, the blue cheese dressing and wing sauce splattered all over her and partially on him,” a report states.

She also tried punching him and spitting on him, but our burger-making hero was swift and avoided the blows.

And so the story ends with this 35-year-old Port St. Lucie woman going to jail covered in chicken wing sauce and fromage bleu

Source: https://offthebeat.blogs.tcpalm.com/