Florida State Capitol – Cock and Balls

My name is Tallahassee
a’on know about y’all,
but I’m real damn proud
of my cock and my balls.

The capital of Florida,
America’s wang,
got some Antebellum babies
that became unchained.

Most of us are meth heads,
hidin’ in the woods,
all the dang northeasterners
ruined our moods…

All state laws
pass through my city,
ah like ’em even more
if you think they’re shitty.

It’s gonna be really f*cking cold in Florida; impending snow, death, mayhem

(WTFF) – Put on extra pairs of socks before you step into your sandals this week, because Florida’s gonna get really f*cking cold and we’re all gonna die*. Full Story »

OJ Simpson’s lawyer calls Pam Bondi a stupid b*tch for her stupid remarks

pam bondi

OJ Simpson’s lawyer Malcolm Lavergne is outraged with Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi, blasting her as “possibly the stupidest person on the planet.”

Bondi’s office released a letter Friday urging the Florida Department of Corrections to deny Simpson a transfer to serve parole in Florida now that he has been released from prison on kidnapping and armed robbery charges. She called Simpson a “scofflaw” whose notoriety would be a drain on law enforcement.

“What a complete stupid b—-. F— her,” Lavergne said in an incensed interview with the Tampa Bay Times on Monday. “She has zero standing to even talk about Mr. Simpson’s case. She’s the attorney general, she has nothing to do with it. It’s virtually a foregone conclusion that Simpson will be moving to Florida when he chooses and once Nevada approves it. That’s handled by the Nevada Division of Parole and Florida department of corrections, not the attorney general.” Full Story »

Bill would block use of food stamps for soda in Florida

coca-cola

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — A House Republican filed a proposal Friday that seeks to prevent people from using food-assistance benefits to buy soft drinks.

The bill (HB 47) by Rep. Ralph Massullo, a dermatologist from Lecanto, is filed for the 2018 legislative session, which starts in January.

The proposal would direct the Florida Department of Children and Families to seek approval of a federal “waiver” that would allow the state to ban the use of benefits in the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program to buy soft drinks.

The program traditionally was known as food stamps. Full Story »

Tallahassee’s Witch Grave

Tallahassee City Cemetery 4

Nestled in Tallahassee’s oldest public cemetery, the curious grave of Elizabeth “Bessie” Budd-Graham is a unique memorial to a woman some believe was a kind “good witch.”

A century old legend surrounds a curious tomb in Tallahassee’s old City Cemetery. As I entered the iron gates of the cemetery my attention was captured by an ornate, towering obelisk marking a curious tomb. It’s easy to get the feeling that this unusual grave magnetically beckons visitors to come closer. This is the most visited grave in the entire cemetery, mainly due to a legend about how it’s the final resting place for a witch named “Bessie.” Full Story »

How medical marijuana prescription affects your right to bear arms

weed guns

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. – An admitted alcoholic can legally purchase a firearm in Florida, but a recent change to a federal firearm transaction form makes it clear a person who has been prescribed medical marijuana might be giving up their second amendment rights.

Everyone who buys a gun fills out ATF form number 4473. It asks nine questions about your life. Questions like are you under indictment, been convicted of stalking, a fugitive from justice, or mentally defective.

Question 11E asks if you are an unlawful user of, or addicted to marijuana or any depressant, or narcotic. It comes with this warning: The use or possession of marijuana remains illegal under federal law, even if medical or recreational marijuana is legal in the state where you live.

Gun dealers said a person legally prescribed marijuana and telling the truth would not be sold a gun. Full Story »

Quota? Florida troopers told to write 2 citations an hour per shift

fhp car

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) – A top official with the Florida Highway Patrol has told troopers they aren’t writing enough speeding tickets.

The Tampa Bay Times reports Maj. Mark Welch of Troop H in Tallahassee told troopers under his command via email that “the patrol wants to see two citations each hour” adding that it’s not a quota. He said it’s “what we are asking you to do to support this important initiative.”

Under the SOAR – Statewide Overtime Action Response – initiative, troopers can make extra money by working the road.

Welch noted the 5 percent pay raise the Legislature and Gov. Rick Scott recently gave troopers, noting that it “has also increased your overtime rate.”

State figures show troopers wrote 934,965 citations in 2014 compared to 749,241 last year. Full Story »

Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up

Let's Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up
“Let’s Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up.”

Dear Floridians (and everybody else),

Florida’s a fucked up place. From animal abusers to angry ex-cops to Zimmerman to horse fuckers, we have plenty of issues. WTF Florida is your source for these fucked up news articles, and we encourage hysterical laughter at the zany headlines coming out of the Gunshine State.

After the laughter comes tears. The victims of Florida’s insanity aren’t laughing (unless they’re truly demented, which happens sometimes). We have a responsibility to improve Florida as much as we can.

WTF Florida would like to state a new mission:

We are dedicated to becoming a Karma Neutral State.

We want Florida’s karmatic number to be perfectly balanced at zero. Laughing at other people’s misery brings negative karma. Doing fucked up shit brings negative karma. Helping people who have been fucked over by Florida’s insanity brings you positive karma. We are still going to make fun of everybody who shows up on this site, but we are also going to start getting more serious about fixing stupid shit.

From this point on, we will occasionally start petitions to bring about justice, and to fix things that are unfair or that defy morals. We encourage our readers to help, not only by signing and sharing these petitions, but to also create them yourselves and to contact your representatives when appropriate. Please contact us if you have an issue that is important to you.

Send us info about your non-profit group or activism group, and we will try to get you more views (if you don’t mind being associated with us). Use the Contact page and let us know what you’re about.

All big problems start small. You can make a difference today by doing little things. Give a homeless person a bottle of water. Ask a local school what supplies they need and gift them with what you can afford. Use your fucking turn signals. The list goes on.

Help us help our state.

Let’s work together for the greater good.

Let’s make Florida slightly less fucked up.

 

 

Floridians For Freedom

fff-smokey

Only the “Right Of Adults To Cannabis” amendment can secure your RIGHT to possess, cultivate, and use cannabis in a manner similar to your 2nd amendment right to “keep and bear arms” … think about that for a minute.

Whether you agree or disagree with Americans right to gun ownership, the strength of this protected right is clear and viewed my many as absolute. Floridians For Freedom​ believes adults right to whole plant cannabis should be comparable and hopes you agree. Full Story »

Rick Scott Passes ‘Anti-Science’ Law In Florida

science

Two Sad Ironies In Florida Passing Its ‘Anti-Science’ Law

Forbes.com – It is officially called Florida House Bill 989, and it was signed into law by Florida Governor Rick Scott on June 26th, 2017 after passing both chambers of the house. According to the National Center for Science Education’s website:

With the law now in place, any county resident — not just any parent with a child in the country’s public schools, as was the case previously — can now file a complaint about instructional materials in the county’s public schools, and the school will now have to appoint a hearing officer to hear the complaint.

Does this mean that some “Joe or Jane” public can file a complaint if they think schools should be teaching that the Earth is flat and not an oblate spheroid? Many of the affidavits filed in support of the bill complained about evolution and climate change being taught. One even complained that they have seen global warming being taught as a reality. Hellooooo000, it is a reality. Numerous credible sources show that our climate system is warming, and even many conservatives are now acknowledging the threat. Sea level doesn’t care about “red” and “blue,” it just rises. This week one of the climate doubter’s signature arguments was dealt a blow. A new study by some of the pioneering satellite climate scientists found that their measurements of warming had been underestimated. What struck me about the Florida law is that there are two sad ironies with this so-called “Anti-Science” Law. Full Story »

Florida Woman Stabs Her Mother in Head

Elizabeth-Bell

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (WCTV) — A Tallahassee woman has been charged with attempted murder after officers say she stabbed her mother in the face and chest.

Around 8:30 p.m. Sunday, officers with the Tallahassee Police Department responded to a home in the 900 block of Hawthorne Street. They found a woman covered in blood around her face and neck.

The woman told police that her daughter, 37-year-old Elizabeth Bell, had attacked her with a knife and was still inside the house. Full Story »

Is man-made climate change real? Florida’s top GOP leaders won’t say

climate-change-florida

Of Florida’s top three Republican leaders, only one of them — Senate President Joe Negron — is willing to say, grudgingly, that human activity contributes to climate change.

Gov. Rick Scott and House Speaker Richard Corcoran won’t go there.

Asked repeatedly Friday if man-made climate change is real, as a broad consensus of scientists have long concluded, Corcoran refused to answer. Full Story »

Visit Florida signs marketing contract in Syria

Satirical billboard of Pitbull / Visit Florida set in Syria

“Visit Florida” CEO/President Ken Lawson signed a contract with AviaReps that included advertising in countries including Syria.

Open PDF Document of Contract

The original document was first hosted here:

https://visitflorida.app.box.com/s/onc2o4k7hjd4imp7vjbqebk5nukfm5hb

Visit Florida is the state’s marketing agency who in 2015, paid Miami rapper Pitbull $1 Million to promote tourism. Just when everybody thought that was the most incompetent thing possible, they accidentally plan to spend more tax dollars promoting tourism in Syria… could you imagine?

Artist rendition of possible budget usage for Visit Florida

Full Story »

Florida Senator Who Used Racial Slur Resigns

This March 9, 2012, file photo shows Republican state senator Frank Artiles, R-Miami, asking a questions about a pip insurance bill during house session in Tallahassee, Fla. Artiles, a Republican state senator, is expected to apologize publicly Wednesday April 19, 2017, for using racial slurs and obscene insults in a private after-hours conversation with African-American colleagues. (AP Photo/Steve Cannon, File) The Associated Press

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) — A Florida state senator who used a racial slur and vulgar language in a conversation with two African-American colleagues resigned Friday, saying the incident is causing a distraction to the legislative process.

Republican Sen. Frank Artiles submitted a resignation letter to Republican Senate President Joe Negron and issued a separate statement.

“I clearly made comments that were hurtful, unacceptable and inappropriate. The American people and Floridians want their leaders to be accountable and responsible, and by resigning my elected office I believe I am demonstrating those qualities they desire and deserve,” Artiles said in the statement released by a publicist.

Negron said the resignation was the right thing to do, and he dropped an investigation into the incident. Full Story »