State of Florida

Written by Randy W. State Of Florida: Miles and miles of strip malls with divorce lawyers, tattoos, pawn shops,etc., Wal-Marts every mile, trailer courts, trailer parks, trailer trash, malls, strip malls, mini-malls, cops, artery-clogging steak houses, McDonald’s/Wendy’s/Burger Kings every 3 blocks, constant hot/humid weather, dixie this, dixie that, little lizards climbing the trees, “neighbors” who […] »

Terms of Use in a Nutshell

Basically, we ain’t responsible for shit, you ain’t responsible for shit, everyone can say whatever the fuck they want. Nobody can (successfully) sue us for libel, because our shit’s tight and we only report facts directly from arrest affidavits or other news sources. Nobody can sue use for making fun of them because of 17 […] »

God Bless Florida Man

God bless Florida Man, for his crimes that hurt no one. He is truly free, something that upsets and frightens those who wish to control the masses. While Catholic priests boink little boys in the butt and church leaders use tithe money to hide the truth, Florida Man simply strips his clothes off like supralapsarian […] »

Why Can’t You Be Normal?

  Like mother, like daughter. Like father, like son. Like country, like state. Florida’s fucked up, but the United States is far more fucked up than our little peninsula.   Highest incarceration rate in the world. Life expectancy lower than 42 other countries. Trump supporters. Florida. There’s a lot of reasons for the rest of […] »

Newton’s Florida Laws

Newton’s First Law of Florida: Every peninsula in a state of uniform fuckery tends to remain in that state of fuckery unless a logical force is applied to it. Newton’s Second Law of Florida: The relationship between a person’s stupidity s, their bravery b, and their overall Floridaness F is F = sb. As stupidity […] »

The Florida Code

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When giving directions in Florida, you must always start with the words, “take I-75,” “take I-4” or “take I-95.” When crossing the border into Florida forget all driving rules you ever knew. Turn your blinky lights on when it’s raining. If you’re a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of […] »