Why Can’t You Be Normal?

  Like mother, like daughter. Like father, like son. Like country, like state. Florida’s fucked up, but the United States is far more fucked up than our little peninsula.   Highest incarceration rate in the world. Life expectancy lower than 42 other countries. Trump supporters. Florida. There’s a lot of reasons for the rest of […] »

Newton’s Florida Laws

Newton’s First Law of Florida: Every peninsula in a state of uniform fuckery tends to remain in that state of fuckery unless a logical force is applied to it. Newton’s Second Law of Florida: The relationship between a person’s stupidity s, their bravery b, and their overall Floridaness F is F = sb. As stupidity […] »

The Florida Code

When giving directions in Florida, you must always start with the words, “take I-75,” “take I-4” or “take I-95.” When crossing the border into Florida forget all driving rules you ever knew. Turn your blinky lights on when it’s raining. If you’re a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of […] »