Belligerently Stupid Drivers

Drivers in Florida are belligerently stupid. You have the jacked up pickup trucks with rebel flags, swerving between lanes, their shaved head drivers bright red and bouncing up and down out of anger. Then you have the old people that drive 20 below in the passing lane because they have to turn left in the […] »

Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood

If every Sheriff thought like him, Florida would be a much safer and more peaceful place. Amazing Florida Man headlines would decrease, but it’d be worth it. Cop hate would decrease, because there would be more accountability and trust. Crime would decrease because we could focus on important stuff and not waste effort. Plus we […] »

Not everything is as it seems

Not everything is as it seems. Live here long enough and you’ll understand. “Pain Clinics” just sell drugs to opiate addicts with no legal repercussions. “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” are full of pastors masquerading as doctors. “Internet Cafes” are underground casinos where old people go to gamble their social security money away. “Massage Parlors” with blacked […] »

Outsiders

America is the Florida of the world; outsiders like to point their fingers and laugh at us, but yet they still flock here in masses to vacation and live. »

Jesus

If Jesus came back to Florida some idiot wearing a cross would probably shoot him because “he looked foreign.” Some idiot like one of these stupid redneck assholes who decided to “Stand Their Ground” against a black man who showed up in a predominately white neighborhood. They fired a “warning shot” at the terrified Uber driver […] »

Man at the pump

One of the victims of Florida approached me at a gas pump. “Hey bro, do you have a couple bucks,” he asked, eyes glazed, postured staggered, Florida Man activated… “I’d rather buy you food from inside, whaddya want?” He sunk his head down and shuffled his feet. Looking back up he said sincerely, “Man, I’m […] »

Ringtones and The Villages

You haven’t seen true pandemonium until you’ve witnessed the mad fumbling of pocket and purse searching in The Villages when a default ring tone goes off. Suddenly, accompanying the alarm, an orchestra of candy wrappers and groans create a soundtrack to the story of each person desiring to answer their phone. Even the ones who […] »

Hurricane Music

hurricane music
Here’s a few our favorites at WTFF News. These songs are designed to eliminate your stress, get you moving, and take your mind off the land-approaching cyclone. Quit worrying (especially you non-Natives), just get up and dance. Enjoy! »

Hell

Greetings everyone, website admin here. Last night I was swimming in a lake and an alligator bit me. Well, “bite” is an understatement. He ripped me in half and both sides of my severed body thrashed around with bloody palpitations. Every time a neuron fired from my brain to my lower extremities, it resulted in […] »

Toucan

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Detoxing in Florida

Why do people keep sending their fucked up grandkids to Florida to detox from drugs and alcohol??? That’s all we do here… https://www.sun-sentinel.com/local/palm-beach/fl-pn-delray-overdoses-20170706-story.html »

Zimmerman

The fact that Zimmerman is still out and about is a a theatrical and disturbing example of how racism plagues this state. To counter that, we have Miami, a shining beacon of hope that spreads international culture throughout the veins of the dirty south. To be fair though, most of the Florida natives and locals are […] »