Not everything is as it seems. Live here long enough and you’ll understand. “Pain Clinics” just sell drugs to opiate addicts with no legal repercussions. “Crisis Pregnancy Centers” are full of pastors masquerading as doctors. “Internet Cafes” are underground casinos where old people go to gamble their social security money away. “Massage Parlors” with blacked out windows are just places for busy men to get hand jobs. “Full Sail” is a daycare for young adults with rich parents. “Publix” is more than a grocery store, it’s a lifestyle. “Wildlife” isn’t nearly as wild as Florida Man and Florida Woman. These are just some of the epiphanies you will have as you become a Floridian.