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The New Florida

Let's Make Florida Slightly Less Fucked Up

When I’m voted governor of Florida, I promise to make being a Floridian legal again.

Also, free guns for everyone that completes a rigorous 14-week gun safety and training course.

Your taxes will go up, but you’ll get free Pub Subs every weekend and full health care no matter what.

Mental health care will be provided for all, so we can soothe the tattered minds of those who let delusion drive them to thoughts of harming others.

College will be free, because stupid people ruin our state.

All drugs will be legalized.

Let those who use drugs responsibly enjoy themselves. Provide rehabilitation to those who are addicted to the point where they are damaging those around them.

Nudity will be allowed everywhere except schools and certain “safe zones.”

Sexual harassment and beyond will be added to the “Stand Your Ground” criteria. All violent crimes that result in injury or death will become instant capital offenses. Convictions will only happen if there is clear evidence.

Public executions will be held every month and televised.

All non-violent “crimes” will be erased from the Florida Statutes. Most prisons will be eliminated. Cops will be replaced with drones armed with tasers and capturing nets. Our well-armed citizens will keep our streets safe.

We’re going solar, because we’re the Sunshine State.

Automobiles are ancient technology, so we’re going to build autonomous flying vehicles that may be purchased or rented. Public transportation will be affordable and air-conditioned. Driving will be outlawed eventually, except for race courses.

Corporations will be reviewed by the working class every quarter. The means of production for anything required to live (shelter, food, water, etc) will be owned by The People (our citizens, the Floridians). All remnants of the kleptocracy will be eradicated.

We’re going to restore the Everglades. Anyone who pollutes our peninsula will be thrown into gator-infested swamps.

Elements of Socialism and Libertarianism will be combined to create the Florida Party.

My name is WTF Florida, and I approve this message.

The New Florida

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