Mainstream Media

Not everything is as it seems. Take a few breaths and research things. Be patient. Anger is a stupid emotion, and is frequently exploited by media companies. Same with fear. Pay attention. Stop believing in the characterizations of people that dehumanize us. Not all liberals want 72 genders on forms. Not all conservatives believe that Jesus powers the NRA. The more we fight, the more our enemies win. Be decent to each other.

Journalism

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Everything in our news category is real. Everything we quote from arrest affidavits are written verbatim. We cite all our sources. That being said, we are often completely unprofessional in our condemning and ridiculous descriptions of Florida Man and Florida Woman. Without that layer of psychological protection against the sinister nature of these horrific events, WTFF News would be just as depressing as regular news. So we choose to be ridiculous. We’re just being honest though. If you want to join us in our mission to make the news more real, sign up to be an author.

The Villages: Beer and STDs

Thanks to Viagra, The Villages is a goldmine of lemon parties. Thanks to alcoholism and Baby Boomer Americana culture, booze are plentiful. Thanks to the Morse family, this bubble exists in the middle of Florida.

The STD rate is actually pretty low in Lake, Sumter, and Marion counties, but The Villagers do like to get down and dirty. They can afford doctor visits though, putting their counties a little lower on the official Florida STD Rate List. A lot goes on behind closed doors though…

Don’t ask about the key parties.

NRA Lobbying for Schools

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The NRA is lobbying hard to eliminate the problem of overcrowded classrooms in Florida. More dead kids = less crowded classrooms. Don’t let the liberal media trick you into believing that the NRA doesn’t care about kids and schools. We care more about our profits than we do about the lives of your children, but we still do care about them. Please continue sending us money under the vague threat of the boogeyman taking all your guns away. Murica. Fuck yeah.

-NRA Full Story »

People from Michigan

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When Michigan sends its people to Florida, they’re not sending the best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems. They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime. They’re rapists and some, I assume, are good people, but I speak to Floridians and they’re telling us what we’re getting.

-WTF Florida

Disclaimer – it’s just a meme, bro.

Symbiotic Grandparents

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Florida Man often survives harsh winters by moving in with his grandparents and stealing stuff from their house to pay for drugs. Such is the symbiotic nature of this delicate Florida balance. It’s one of the realities behind our headlines.

Blue Balls

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Public service announcement to all the young, naïve girls dating a Florida Man:

Nobody really dies from blue balls. They’re just trying to guilt you into having sex. The sperm does not “crawl into the brain” or anything like that, as they will try to make you believe. Yes, someone actually said that once. Full Story »

Wall

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We’re gonna build a wall, and Alabama and Georgia are gonna pay for it. We don’t want any more transplants. Go away. We closed.

Vote “WTF Florida” as your new Governor in the 2018 elections.

#MFGA #KeepEveryoneOut #GoAway

Civilized Places versus Florida

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Florida’s a special place. Walk into a convenience store and ask for a “rose” and you get a crack pipe. Mention college and the majority of our people will think of sports first (but to be fair, that’s most of the south). And just in case you don’t believe the last one: Florida has the highest rate of bicycling deaths of any state in the nation — 0.57 per 100,000 people, more than double the nationwide rate of 0.23 per 100,000. Source: cdc.gov

Visit Florida Ads

We propose these helpful ads to Visit Florida, in an effort to increase our tourism dollars. Our WTFF News corporate sponsors demand that we do our part to ensure that a fresh wave of tranplants get stuck here every year. Here are the staff picks, please share to save our tourism industry. #VisitFlordia Full Story »

How Florida Man Stays Eternal

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Florida Man is suspended in time as a constant in the zaniest headlines. His death and rebirth are continuous and propelled by the same energy that he’s infamous for. As long as the contiguous U.S. has this peninsula in their southeast corner, Florida Man will exist, and WTFF News will be here to report his unravelings.

Full Story »