Guns on top of guns… here’s a story that exemplifies North Florida perfectly…
Fountain is a tiny little hick town in Bay County, where quality family time is often spent shooting things.
From varmints to cans to hay stacks, there’s a whole slew of exciting objects to practice your marksmanship on while soaking up the hot Florida sun.
One family was fulfilling this incredibly accurate stereotype, by doing just that over the weekend.
Not only are there animals and targets, but there’s people to shoot as well. These moving targets are much more fun to fire upon, because, if they’re from Florida, they shoot back. Very exciting.
So, when Michael Brinegar heard gunshots outside, he did the most appropriate thing for that part of town and went outside clutching his 9mm SAR B6P automatic pistol.
He had been drinking of course (this is North Florida), which only compounded the madness.
Leaving behind several bottles of hard liquor, he ventured outside and started shooting at the neighbors.
He shot at the parents and their kids, but his aim was diminished along with the brain cells he deleted from years of belligerent drinking.
The family shot back. Bullet holes riddled their happy home, but luckily for them, nobody got hit. This was truly an amazing bonding moment for the entire family, something they have been preparing for all their lives, as many generations before them have done.
Michael, upon realizing he had a terrible aim and would probably die if he continued battling, did what the South did during the American Civil War and gave up, retreating inside to consume more alcohol.
Even though this is nothing out of the ordinary in Bay County, some Yankee must’ve called the cops.
When deputies arrived, they found Michael, and tried talking to him.
While chatting with the deputies, he “fell over in his front yard” as a result of his drunkenness, according to News Herald.
9mm shell casings littered his driveway.
Inside his home they found more liquor, several pipes, and stockpiles of ammunition.
Brinegar was arrested and charged with Firing a Missile into a Dwelling, Criminal Mischief ($1,000 or more), Use of a Firearm Under Influence of Alcohol, and Possession of Drug Paraphernalia.