It’s October in Volusia County, on Friday the 13th. The cool morning air reminds Floridians that Halloween is approaching.
11-year-old Florida Boy is riding his bike, pedaling north along Howland Boulevard…
While approaching Pine Ridge High school he heard a noise in the bushes… slowing down, he got a little closer to investigate.
Suddenly a clown jumped out of the bushes!
The clown was later described as follows: approximately 5 feet, 9 inches tall, weighing approximately 230 pounds, wearing blue clown hair, rainbow painted face, red foam nose, a green, long-sleeved shirt, black pants and black boots.
Yep, definitely a clown, those are all the tell-tale signs.
Florida Boy had to think fast…
Like most kids, he carries a selfie stick everywhere he goes, in case he needs to Instagram a live feed of himself playing with a fidget spinner while eating Fruity Loops or something.
He looked the clown dead in the eyes, and readied the metal selfie stick…
WHAM! He hit the clown in the head. But not just once…
Several times he smacked the rainbow painted head with his impromptu weapon.
The clown started to chase him for a short distance, but tripped and fell down. Dejected and feeling clumsy, the mystery clown shuffled back to the bushes again to hide.
The Volusia County Sheriff’s Office warned that they “will not be there to save you if your intended target defends himself or herself.”
This is after all, the de facto Stand Your Ground state, so trying to scare people might just end in you getting your fuckin’ head blown off. Let that be a warning to all wannabe clowns this Halloween.
Before one becomes Florida Man, one must first become Florida Boy…
