Victim: State of Florida

The law just writes “STATE OF FLORIDA” in the victim box when victimless “crimes” of a harmless and consensual nature are committed on the peninsula.

We asked the literal state of Florida what they thought about people getting busted for drugs. Here’s what the peninsula said:

“I don’t give a swimming fuck about what people choose to do with their bodies. Everyone has the right to enjoy the body-healing and mind-expanding benefits of any substance they choose. I actually like it when people smoke weed on me, as I catch a little contact buzz. Blaze it!”

The literal state of Florida