Today’s Florida Horoscopes
♈️ Aries – You will suddenly feel the urge to strip naked and get chased by the cops.
♉️ Taurus – You may try to protect an Aries from getting arrested and end up getting arrested yourself.
♊️ Gemini – Don’t listen the voices. Don’t burn anything down. Seriously.
♋️ Cancer – That homeless dude was lying. Give him a few bucks anyway, it will help him stay drunk, but don’t let his sob story upset you.
♌️ Leo – Just do whatever the fuck you want today. You rock.
♍️ Virgo – Florida Woman may need your help. Use your powers of clarity to talk some sense into her.
♎️ Libra – Boss some kids around and tell them how shitty their generation is.
♏️ Scorpio – Sex in public places is only illegal if you get caught.
♐️ Sagittarius – You really want to say it, but should you?
♑️ Capricorn – Suddenly the urge to climb on top of a dumpster and profess your love for Florida will overwhelm you.
♒️ Aquarius – You can’t fix our state, but go ahead and try.
♓️ Pisces – Go to the beach and chill.