One upon a time, but not too long ago, there was a rabbit whose entire family was killed by hunters and foxes. You see, in Florida, rabbit hunting is allowed year-round, and hunters are allowed to nab up to 12 rabbits a day. Hungry foxes would often nab a rabbit here and there too, in between their less bloody snacks of seeds and veggies and what-not. Between all the different predators, rabbit life is tough. That’s one reason why they’re always makin’ more rabbit babies (plus it’s fun).
Buh Rabbit lost his uncle to a fox just one night ago, and was now the last-standing survivor in his rabbit family. He was hopping around solemnly when he came across Buh Fox.
“Aye, what’s good mang!” said Buh Rabbit, hopping over to greet the fox.
“Howdy there, Buh Rabbit. Ahm jes stretching mah ol’ legs out this mornin’, gittin’ ready to find some food ta fill mah hongry belly.”
“Well Buh Fox, shit ain’t too good right now, if I gotsta be honest.”
“Why do you say that lil’ feller?” said Buh Fox in a southern drawl.
“Well ya see, my whole family got kilt, and I’m da only rabbit left in my burrow. We used ta hop around together using our strong legs explorin’ da earth and findin’ food ta eat.”
“Aww shucks, that’s mighty terrible soundin’… ah tell ya, mah legs ain’t what they used ta be no more. Ah was once a strong fox and could leap up in the air lahk a bird ta pounce on prey… boy ah tell ya. Ah still got it, but it ain’t lahk the good ol’ days.”
Buh Rabbit got a little closer, looked around, and said quietly, “Aye, listen here bruh… I gotta secret. Ya wanna know how us rabbits jump so high and run so fast?”
“Tell me! Tell me!” cried Buh Fox.
“Well, we just nibble off our front legs so our back legs grow stronger. Das di secret. See how little mah front legs is? Check out deez big ol’ back feet!”
“Well shucks! That sounds mighty reasonable!”
Buh Fox started gnawing away at his left front leg. He chewed through tendons and fat and veins and all the way through until the bottom half fell off.
Buh Rabbit’s heart fluttered with excitement, “now do da udda one!”
So, Buh Fox gobbled up his right front leg, chewing through tendons and fat and veins and all the way through until the bottom half fell off.
Buh Fox tried to stand up in his pool of blood and stumbled, falling to the ground… “Wait just a minute there young feller, this ain’t workin’ at all…”
Buh Rabbit smiled, “Hell yeah it is, it’s workin’ just fine!”
Buh Fox looked perplexed and tried standing up several more times, each attempt ending with his face falling into the earth. He let out a sigh and fell all the way down, his nose inhaling blood, his mouth exhaling exhaustion.
Buh Rabbit felt sympathy for a moment, but then remembered how his family was devoured by foxes, which quickly turned his pity into satisfaction.
Buh Fox let out a sigh, “Welp, looks lahk you done tricked me, little feller.”
“Sho nuff’ did! Bye bitch!”
Buh Rabbit turned around, hopped away, and felt safe and accomplished, just for that moment.
Written by WTF Florida
To be continued, maybe…