Man at the pump

One of the victims of Florida approached me at a gas pump. “Hey bro, do you have a couple bucks,” he asked, eyes glazed, postured staggered, Florida Man activated… “I’d rather buy you food from inside, whaddya want?” He sunk his head down and shuffled his feet. Looking back up he said sincerely, “Man, I’m just trying to get a blunt.” I gave that man five dollars. Thank you Honest Florida Man. Proverbs 31:6 tells us to “Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.” I just did my little part in the circle of existence. The real WTF in Florida (and everywhere) is how the selfish few perpetuate misery, poverty, and addiction for profit. They do this far away from the ghettos, safely inside their alarmed homes. Before you judge Florida Man as he clambers through the streets, you should know that shit trickles downhill. The true fuckery stems from the top of the financial food chain. Use your mind to judge with wisdom and knowledge, not emotion or impulsiveness.

Melbourne Man Beats and Stabs His Friend For Eating His Pizza

melbourne pizza stab

Melbourne (WTFF) – A man in Brevard County was so upset about his friend eating his slice of pizza, that he hit him in the head with a golf club and stabbed him in the chest.

Drew Cywinski is the 25-year-old Florida Man who did all this and got charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and battery, according to palmbaydaily.com.

It all started Monday afternoon.

Florida Man Drew was hanging out in his home on Garfield Street, doing what most Florida Mans do for fun… drugs. Him and his friend took turns clumsily passing the pipe back and forth.
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Angry Florida Man Pries Open Steak ‘n Shake Drive-Thru Window

Ronald Burns

Oviedo (WTFF) – A man in Seminole County was upset about a supposedly undercooked burger at Steak ‘n Shake, so he pried open a drive-thru window to yell at the employees.

Ronald Burns ordered a burger at the Steak ‘n Shake on Red Bug Lake Road in Oviedo, Saturday. The Oviedo Mall is across the street.

At 62 he should be old enough to control his temper, but this is Florida Man, so we can just assume he has the emotional intelligence of a 5-year-old.
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