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Say Goodbye to ‘WTF Florida’

WTF Florida has a new name and a new game. We’re taking a more mainstream approach to media. The old ways are no more.

Gone are the days of “What The F*ck, Florida,” where we only report on crazy and stupid nonsense through WTFF News.

Say hello to the new us.

We are now “Wonderful, Thriving, Fascinating Florida” that only reports happy news in a happy state in a happy country with absolutely no problems at all. Everything is fine. Scary news is fake news. Politicians are your friends, and they work for you and this state. Florida is an absolute paradise where everything’s perfect. That’s why we’re proud to run WTFF:

Wonderful: that’s our Florida.

Thriving to be the best.

Fascinating, in every respect!

Florida, well you already know.

WTFF for short. Or call it WTF Florida.

The Corporation of Incorporated Corporate News, Inc. would like to thank the previous staff of the crass and vile WTF Florida for their hard work throughout the years, even though they suck and we hate them.

The new WTFF will be much better.

Headlines will be PROPER and match the agenda of our shareholders to keep citizens docile and deceived. For example, the old WTFF headline “Florida Man Catches Felony for Cleaning Up a Dried Plant at the Beach” will be changed to “Criminal Scum Bag Caught With Deadly Illegal Substance Arrested by Brave Police.”

We will no longer report on scandals committed by politicians who bless our corporations with tax incentives.

Any news that makes Florida look bad will be BANNED.

We’re sure you will be happy with the news brought to you by The Corporation of Incorporated Corporate News, Inc., as we own everything else too.

Our corporate sponsors made us do it. Said they’d raise our internet rent and tell the FWC where we keep our pet gators if we refused. Not cool, but whatever, they never proof-read anything, fuckers. We’re not going to change formats or swap names or anything. Stay tuned.

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Say Goodbye to ‘WTF Florida’

Category: Satire
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