Old People Archives - WTF Florida?

Senior Citizens Strong-Arm Their Way into Starbucks Drive-Thru in The Villages

The Villages (WTFF) – A pair of senior citizens harassed a driver and attempted to burglarize a vehicle as they forced their way into the drive-thru line at a Starbucks in The Villages. »

Anti-Masker Goes Ape on Old Lady

Fort Myers (WTFF) – A Florida man angrily swore at an elderly woman who asked him to wear a mask during the coronavirus epidemic. »

Elderly Florida Man Points Gun & Knife at Escort, Assaults Her

Naples (WTFF) – A 71-year-old man was arrested for threatening and assaulting a woman he met on a sugar daddy website. »

Knife-Wielding Florida Teen Chases Grandpa After Being Denied More Tomatoes at Dinner

Callahan (WTFF) – A Florida teen reportedly chased her grandfather with a knife after being told she was not allowed to eat any more tomatoes. »

“Life Insurance Representative” Posts Typo-Ridden Pyramid Marketing Scheme Ad Targeting Ocala Women

Ocala (WTFF) – A grammatically atrocious ad for a pyramid marketing scheme appeared on the Ocala/Marion County Chamber & Economic Partnership website. »

Florida Man Drives Golf Cart Through Walmart

Gibsonton (WTFF) – A Florida man was arrested after crashing his golf cart into a Walmart on Thursday, according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office. »

Florida Transplant Gropes a Mother, Tells Her Husband: ‘Go Back to the Country You Came From’

Tarpon Springs (WTFF) – A Polk County woman was arrested for battery after groping a woman in front of her 6-year-old daughter and telling her husband to “go back” to his country. »

Drunk Florida Man Reportedly Urinates in Front of Villagers at Gator’s Dockside

The Villages (WTFF) – An intoxicated Florida man was arrested after reportedly urinating on a light pole in front of a Gator’s Dockside restaurant in the world’s largest retirement community. »

Puerto Rican BK manager told to ‘go back to Mexico’

Eustis (WTFF) – Two old ladies are internet famous after yelling at a Burger King manager for speaking Spanish to an employee. »

This “I’m leaving” message was made after we posted this story: Matt Gaetz Milkshaked After Town Hall Meeting Dear Baby Boomers from New York who support Fascist policies (and anyone else who promotes bigotry, cruelty and oppression), We don’t give a fuck about you. Unlike mainstream media corporations who cater to confirmation bias and extract […] »

Florida Man Trespassing at McDonald’s Tells Cop He ‘Should Be Arresting Scumbags in Pine Hills’ Instead

Minneola (WTFF) – A retired Groveland man was arrested for allegedly trespassing at McDonald’s. »

Retired Cop Punches Old Lady in Face at Publix

Cape Coral (WTFF) – A Florida man, who’s a retired police officer, was arrested after admitting to punching an elderly woman in Publix. »

Violent Crime in The Villages Increases More Than Any Other Metro Area in Florida

The Villages (WTFF) – The world’s largest retirement community has seen a 35.7% increase in violent crime from 2012 to 2017. »

Florida Woman Beats her Elderly Husband with Vacuum Cleaner Attachment during Cleaning Binge

Holiday (WTFF) – A Florida woman is in jail after reportedly assaulting her geriatric husband. »

Florida Grandma Tries Scaring Off Naked Florida Man by Pulling her Dentures Out

Titusville (WTFF) – A Florida man was arrested on charges of burglary and exposing sexual organs after showing up naked on the porch of a grandma. »

Limp

Florida used to be shaped like an erect penis pointing towards Morocco until all the old people moved down and made it hang limp. Cape Dementia and The Villages hold the largest concentration in the world of retired dying waste known as Baby Boomers. »

Redneck Uber

A wheelchair-bound “grandma” strapped to the cargo bed of a pickup truck was caught on video by a Floridian from Tampa. An old man was driving. There were no other passengers. UPDATE: The “grandma” may in fact be a man. Note the goatee. Then again, grandma whiskers are a thing. But whatever. It’s 2018. Genders […] »

Some Floridians Still Support Trump and Russia Despite Everything

Just turn on “regular news” to get the comedy version. It’s the same thing. »

Villager’s Guide to Using Facebook

Are you a crotchety old Republican Transplant that recently moved to The Villages? Do you hate technology but love the idea of sharing your shitty, bigoted, archaic, ignorant ideologies on Facebook? Well you’ve found the right guide! »

Florida man reportedly beats up an elderly man in his trailer

Tavares (WTFF) – A Florida man was arrested after allegedly trying to drag an old man out of his mobile home over a verbal dispute that began with the assailant’s friend. »

Sanctuary City

Florida is a “Sanctuary City” for old Republican Baby Boomers. It’s time we deport them all, and send them back to Michigan, Ohio, or wherever they come from. »

Cemetery Boomers

Attention all single Baby Boomers ready to get it on, we’re all meeting at the Cemetery. Be there or be square. »

Old, Mean, Racist Florida Man Gets Arrested After Flight for Harassing Stewardess

North Fort Myers (WTFF) – Upon landing, a Florida man was arrested for reportedly harassing a flight attendant. »

After Crashing Golf Cart, Florida Woman Tells Cops She’s Too “F*cked Up” for Breath Sample

Lady Lake (WTFF) – A drunk Central Florida woman was arrested after slamming a golf cart into some landscaping. »

69-Year-Old Florida Man Steals a Purse at Church

Clermont (WTFF) – An elderly Florida man reportedly stole a purse at church. »

The “Moving to The Villages” Starter Kit

Retired Floridian Starter Pack

Florida Man Tries to Kidnap an Old Lady at Hobby Lobby

Clearwater (WTFF) – A man from Safety Harbor was arrested after he allegedly tried to kidnap a 76-year-old woman in the parking lot of a craft store. »

Florida Woman Flashes Drivers on U.S. 1

Stuart (WTFF) – A Florida woman allegedly flashed her boobs and stuck her tongue out along a highway in Martin County. »

The Villages

The Villages is the world’s largest retirement community, spanning 3 counties in the middle of Florida. They drive golf carts everywhere, from Publix to the doctor to any place that sells alcohol. Happy hour goes on all day, every day. They line dance, twerk, party and get drunk every night on the three main squares […] »

Upset with Hospital Wait Time, Florida Man Steals an Ambulance

Lady Lake (WTFF) – A Central Florida man was arrested after stealing an ambulance from a hospital in the world’s largest retirement community. »

People from Michigan

When Michigan sends its people to Florida, they’re not sending the best. They’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems. They’re bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime. They’re rapists and some, I assume, are good people, but I speak to Floridians and they’re telling us what we’re getting. -WTF Florida Disclaimer […] »

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