Florida Man Uses Air Gun to Protect his Curb Trash from Kids

joyce james

Saying “I run this street, not the cops,” a Tavernier man threatened two kids with an air rifle Thursday when he saw them walking down his road, police say.

James Joyce, 53, reportedly believed the youths, ages 11 and 14, were rummaging through stuff he put to the curb as trash on West Indies Road. It was about 7 p.m., according to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputy Becky Herrin said Joyce saw the kids in front of his house on the street and yelled at them to get away from his property. When they didn’t immediately leave, he went inside, retrieved what looked to the kids and neighbors like a black rifle and waved it around. Full Story »

Store Owner May Be Charged For Shooting When Florida Man Stole Beer

cocoa beer thief shooting

COCOA, Florida – The owner of a convenience store may face a criminal charge after he fired a gun when a Florida man attempted to steal beer on Wednesday in Cocoa, Florida.

Around 10 a.m. on September 20, 2017, a Brevard County Sheriff’s Deputy was in the area of a Chevron convenience store located at 6 South Cocoa Boulevard when he heard a shot fired from outside the store.

Further investigation revealed the owner of the store was inside when a white male entered and appeared to take some beer out the door without paying. Full Story »

Florida Man scams women by pretending to have cancer; pulls gun on reporter

Sometimes good things happen in Florida. Cute headlines make national news against the torrent of derelicts that toply rank our Florida Man articles.

These good headlines are not always what they seem.

Take for instance:

“Florida Man With Terminal Cancer Fulfills Dying Wish, Marries a Long Lost Love After Reconnecting on Facebook…”

Sounds great, eh?

Problem is, he’s used his “cancer” to con a bunch of women out of their money.

Ken Boyer’s cancer diagnosis is also completely fake.

WKMG Orlando dug into the story and found a bunch of old ladies that got scammed, including one that gave him $22,000.

When Inside Edition tried to interviewed him, he did what any Florida Man would…

He pulled a gun on the news anchor.

Click Orlando also did some research on his scams.

So ladies, be vigilant, and never ever believe a Florida Man.

Suicidal Woman Shot by Winter Park Police

Orwin Manor Winter Park officer involved shooting

Orwin Manor is a ritzy little neighborhood in Orlando.

Within one of these overpriced homes near the intersection of Harmon and Wisconsin Avenue lives a couple, who like many Florida couples, made it onto our website.

As would anyone living in a city completely devoid of culture or quality entertainment, the girl living in this big house with her boyfriend became suicidal.

She picked up a gun (Florida homes usually have several lying around) and tried to evoke a pity party, telling her boyfriend that she was going to kill herself.

The boyfriend, who obviously has never read any Florida news, did the worst thing possible in this situation…

He called the cops.

They arrived, and did exactly what they’re trained to do. They shot her.

The woman was taken to the hospital with a gunshot wound that is not life-threatening, police said.

The Florida Department of Law Enforcement has taken over the investigation, as is standard for officer-involved shootings.

Source: wftv.com

Hurricane Season is Mother Nature’s Remedy for Tourists

Tourists Hurricanes

 

Tourists… They come here lifting their sun-screened noses high in the air, soaking sun rays into their cold decaying bodies. Midwestern baby boomers, teetering on the edge of death, with no concern for the future, arrive in flocks. They go to Disney a few times and fall in love. Then they move here.

They start selfishly voting for immediately gratifying policies that fuck future generations, because they’re gonna die soon and don’t care. Their kids and grand-kids are up north getting a real education, so there’s hardly a chance they’ll be affected. Everything they vote for is cheap and easy, with no foresight. In the same fashion that they happily fumble around on their iPhones with no understanding of the circuitry, they exploit the outer surface of Florida’s beauty while belligerently ignoring the fundamental aspects.

Funding for schools gets thrown out. Early childhood program’s budgets are slashed. There’s nowhere to go as a kid… nothing to do. So these kids turn into Florida Mans and Florida Womans. These victims of selfish greed become pathological Florida people. This is our reality.

Then a hurricane comes…

The great mediator. The judge who slices a line between the Natives who are eager to hunker down, and the Tourists who gas up their giant SUVs and head north.

And for a brief moment in time, as the chaos of the approaching storm wraps up Florida’s true children in a blanket of excitement, things are good. Things are real good…

 

Evacuations = Instant Concealed Weapon Licenses for Everyone in Florida

Thanks to an amendment made in 2015 by Rick Scott, anytime Florida issues a mandatory evacuation, you are automatically allowed to carry a concealed weapon, even if you don’t have a concealed weapon license.

https://www.flsenate.gov/Session/Bill/2015/0290/BillText/er/PDF

2015-concealed-weapon-bill-evacuation.pdf

This is great news for everyone.

Now we can shoot back at any hurricane that threatens us. Lock and load, muthafucka.

One argument for this absurd amendment is that looters could potentially steal leftover guns in people’s homes. Every single one of the responsible gun owners I know has a concealed weapon license already. Also, you can legally carry a gun that’s safely locked up in your trunk without a concealed weapon license, so the argument about looters is complete bullshit. This amendment is not only hilariously unnecessary, but dangerous. Oh well… Florida’s a lost cause. As the entire world laughs at the Gunshine State, all we can do is laugh too, and simply admit that we’re fucked up and will never get any better. You can’t fix stupid.

Florida Man Shoots Wife to Showcase Fashionable Armor

bulletproof-mc-armor

Imagine a world where you can safely go to Publix without some idiot “standing their ground” and killing you. Imagine this kind of safety, while also looking sexy…

Thanks to Miguel Caballero, it’s now possible.

He’s bringing the works of his company “MC Armor” to Miami, offering fashionable bullet-proof clothing to The Gunshine State. Full Story »

Shirtless Micanopy Man threatens parents with rifle and dead possum

William Markham

The town of Micanopy doesn’t have much going on, except for a fully nude strip club that serves mediocre coffee (I-75 makes me sleepy, don’t judge).

54-year-old William Markham is one of the rare folks who actually lives in Micanopy.

His home is across the street from Micanopy Cooperative School on Northwest 2nd Avenue, and he often complains about all the parents parking on the street outside as they wait to pick up their pesky children. Full Story »

Costanza Gun

costanza gun

Florida Costanza Moment: When you from Florida and can’t think of a good comeback so instead you just shoot ’em in the fuckin’ face and yell “STAND YOUR GROUND!”

 

costanza:

A Costanza is not being able to come up with a quick retort. Instead of being able to think on the spot, a Constanza thinks of a good comeback on the way home, in the car, the following day, two days later…

A Costanza then tries to recreate the conditions under which he was originally insulted so he can fling back a witty retort. The results range from pathetic to miserable.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=costanza

Florida police fatally shoot woman threatening suicide

suicide woman

Authorities say a Florida police SWAT team shot and killed an armed woman who had been threatening suicide.

The Broward County Sheriff’s Office says a Sunrise Police SWAT team went to an apartment Friday where an armed woman had barricaded herself inside and was threatening to kill herself.

Sheriff’s spokeswoman Veda Coleman-Wright said in a press release Saturday the woman stopped communicating with officers, so the SWAT team entered the apartment. She says the officers encountered the woman and shots were fired. She died at the scene. No officers were hurt. Full Story »

2 dead bodies found in Weirsdale Dollar General parking lot

UPDATE: A local anonymous tip claims that the 2 dead bodies had bullet holes in them, though news source have not stated that.


WEIRSDALE — Two bodies were found Saturday morning inside a vehicle parked in a Dollar General parking lot. As of 11:30 a.m., the Marion County Sheriff’s Office was not providing identities of the deceased or any information about how they died. Full Story »

Off-duty deputy saves couple from burning car by shooting it

Car Moccasin Wallow Road

MANATEE COUNTY — Willie Finklea said he will purchase the tool needed to break a car window for his wife, daughter, and himself, after he needed to use his personal firearm to shoot out the window of a car and rescue a couple from a burning vehicle.

“All I had was my keys and my pocket knife so I had no other tools other than my off-duty weapon to make entry into the car,” said Finklea who is a Manatee County Sheriff’s deputy. “I banged on the window several times with my hand.”

According to the Sheriff’s Office, Neil Cook, 64, was driving with his wife, Claudia, 65, in the 9300 block of Moccasin Wallow Road at about 2:27 p.m. Sunday when he noticed smoke coming from his vehicle. Cook pulled over and realized the vehicle was on fire, but the couple was trapped inside because the electronic windows and locks were not working. Full Story »

Landlord facing first-degree murder charges after eviction goes wrong

eviction-ryan-wilder

An eviction turned deadly Friday night and a landlord is now in jail on a first-degree murder charge after police say he shot a tenant living at his parent’s Duck Key home.

Ryan Wilder, 32, of Winter Springs, Fla. is being held in county jail in Marathon on no bond. Monroe County Sheriff’s Office detectives say he shot and killed Kenneth Palicki, 47, shortly before 6:30 p.m. Friday night.

Palicki and his girlfriend, Colleen Lyons, 25, lived at 162 North Indies Drive, a house owned by Wilder’s parents, said Deputy Becky Herrin, media relations officer for the Sheriff’s Office. Palicki and Lyons had been served eviction papers requiring them to be out of the house by Aug. 23, Herrin said.

Wilder went to the house Friday and no one was home. He began taking items from the house outside when Palicki and Lyons returned home. Wilder and Palicki began arguing and Palicki told Lyons to call the Sheriff’s Office, which she did. While on the phone with a dispatcher, Lyons said Wilder had a pistol in a holster on his hip. Full Story »

Florida man gets 6 years for firing gun while taking selfie

rorn-sorn-selfie-gone-wrong

TAMPA, Fla. — A Florida man has been sentenced to six years and five months in prison for accidentally shooting a gun while taking a selfie in a strip club restroom.

The U.S. Attorney’s Office in Tampa announced 34-year-old Rorn Sorn’s sentencing Monday. The Asian Pride Gang member pleaded guilty in April to possessing a firearm as a convicted felon.

Court documents say Sorn was at Club Lust in St. Petersburg in December when his gun discharged. The bullet went through the mirror and into the adjacent women’s restroom. No injuries were reported.

A security guard approached Sorn as he was leaving, and Sorn reportedly told the guard that it was an accident and that he “was just trying to take a selfie.” Police responded, and officers found a handgun, ammunition and drugs on Sorn. Full Story »

Florida Man points gun at self-defense teacher, tells him ‘martial arts are crap’

George Meyer

PORT ST. LUCIE – A Port St. Lucie parent was arrested Sunday after he pointed a loaded gun at a Grace Christian Academy self-defense instructor and told him “martial arts are crap”, city police said.

“Bang, you’re dead. No way you could have got me before I pulled it out,” George Meyer, 61, reportedly said.

Meyer, whose child is a student at the school, was attending an open house when he overheard the defense instructor telling someone that a gun is not always the best choice for self-defense since it can be easily taken away, said Sgt. Frank Sabol, Port St. Lucie police spokesman. Full Story »

How medical marijuana prescription affects your right to bear arms

weed guns

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. – An admitted alcoholic can legally purchase a firearm in Florida, but a recent change to a federal firearm transaction form makes it clear a person who has been prescribed medical marijuana might be giving up their second amendment rights.

Everyone who buys a gun fills out ATF form number 4473. It asks nine questions about your life. Questions like are you under indictment, been convicted of stalking, a fugitive from justice, or mentally defective.

Question 11E asks if you are an unlawful user of, or addicted to marijuana or any depressant, or narcotic. It comes with this warning: The use or possession of marijuana remains illegal under federal law, even if medical or recreational marijuana is legal in the state where you live.

Gun dealers said a person legally prescribed marijuana and telling the truth would not be sold a gun. Full Story »

Gunshots in Florida

gun-bullets

Florida, despite its fascination with guns, is actually pretty peaceful… at least out in the country parts. Nothing is more soothing than hearing the rapid fire of a semi-automatic weapon coming from your neighbor’s house after church on Sunday. On the real, old Florida Natives just enjoy shooting. Most of us aren’t violent, but we will rightfully protect our home and family. Guns are fun, and just like anything else that’s fun, they are dangerous and controversial.

That’s not to say we don’t have problems… in fact we have nothing but problems (which is why this website exists).

To exemplify our problems in a statistic:

One child is shot every 17 hours.

That info came from a well-written article on Miami Herald

The analysis found that, between 2010 and 2015, nearly 3,200 kids 17 and younger were killed or injured by firearms. Put another way, a child in Florida was shot, on average, every 17 hours.

We here at WTF Florida love our guns. We love shooting things. We fully support our 2nd amendment rights. We love guns so much it could become a new chapter in the DSM-5.

That being said, we also believe that people more fucked up than us should not have easy access to weapons. This should be a no-brainer, and a bi-partisan issue. Why the fuck is it easier to get a gun than to get a driver’s license?

Anyone can show up at a gun show with a shoddy fake ID and purchase a weapon that can be quickly modified into a fully automatic weapon. Anyone who says differently has never been to a gun show in Florida, or is full of shit.

Anyways, that’s a huge issue and we aren’t quite ready to battle this one (still working on the shark case as our first effort). In the mean time, dear Florida people, please lock up your guns when not being used, keep the safety on, and stop fucking shooting everything that moves. Thanks.

70-year-old Tequesta Man pulls a gun out in Publix checkout line

Lazare Cohen

After a man yelled at him in a Publix parking lot, a 70-year-old suburban Tequesta man is accused of confronting him in the check-out line and lifting his shirt to show his gun.

Tequesta police arrested Lazare Cohen on Thursday on charges of improper exhibit of a firearm and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, a police report said. During a brief court hearing on Friday, a judge set his bond at $3,000. He remained in jail as of Friday afternoon.

A man told police that he was walking with his girlfriend through the parking lot to the Publix on 500 North US Highway 1 when a silver Dodge Caravan sped past them, nearly hitting them, the Palm Beach Post reports. The man yelled out, “slow down (explicit).”

At the checkout line, the driver came up to the man, lifting his shirt to show a pistol and said, “You are a (explicit) and that he was all talk,” according to a Tequesta Police Department arrest report. Then, the man left.

Cohen told police that he approached the man calmly to ask “if the yelling and cursing in the parking lot was necessary,” the report said. He said the man told him, “Get the (explicit) out of my face” and took a step forward. Full Story »

Alex Kompothecras from MTV’s ‘Siesta Key’ Shoots a Hammerhead Shark

SIGN THE PETITION TO INDICT HIM FOR ANIMAL ABUSE

Authorities in Florida are investigating after footage emerges of a man laughing as he pumps bullet after bullet into a bleeding endangered animal. The bullets pierce the gills, and he is seen laughing as the shark dies a very slow and agonizing death.

The shooter in the video is wearing the same red “Make America Great Again” hat and long-sleeve gray shirt as photos posted on MTV’s Facebook page of Alex Kompothecras, posing with what appears to be a dead hammerhead shark.

Full Story »

Florida Man Brings an Umbrella to a Gun Fight at Fort Walton Beach

umbrella-beach

FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. (WKRG) — A Florida Man used a beach umbrella to hit another Florida Man who brought a gun to the beach, and it was all caught on camera.

“This is what happens when you bring an umbrella to a gun fight,” wrote Wes Woodin in a post online.

Apparently, the man with the gun had gotten into an argument Monday with a group on the beach over a child’s toy.

“It was over a $2 inflatable octopus, and I guess he had gone under their tent and taken it,” Woodin told News 5. Full Story »

A strip club, a fight, two car crashes, gunfire and a bullet-riddled car and driver

King of Diamonds Miami Gentlemen’s Club clubkod.com MiamiClub KOD

Elton Jones got into an argument with a security guard as he was leaving a North Miami-Dade strip joint early Monday morning, police said.

Moments later the fight escalated into a man being hit by a car, two car crashes, gunfire and ultimately Jones being detained and taken to the hospital with bullet wounds.

“He hits a security guard. The security guard begins shooting,” said Miami-Dade police Detective Jennifer Capote. “He crashes into a parked vehicle, but he keeps going.” Full Story »