Ax-Wielding Guest Threatens Man who Gave Him a Place to Stay During Hurricane Irma

A Port St. Lucie man, trying to do the right thing during Hurricane Irma, learned that no good deed goes unpunished.

He was letting Tarvice Lamar Payne stay at his home in the 900 block of SW Connecticut Terrace during the storm when his guest attacked him, according to Port St. Lucie police.

Payne, 33, of Royal Palm Beach, accused the alleged victim of stealing his drugs, so he punched him and then threatened him with an ax, a police report states. Full Story »

Florida Man seeks threesome to ‘ride out the hericane’

jacksonville-irma-threesome-01616_822oFrJLhRN_1200x900

Just in case you’re interested, here’s the original link:

https://keys.craigslist.org/m4w/d/do-you-need-place-to-ride-out/6296305618.html


do you need a place to ride out storm (jacksonville)

hello ladys single man here looking for any single women needing a place to stay in Jacksonville to ride out the hericane i live alone but hate to sleep alone its more fun to cuddle hold someone i dont smoke drink or do drugs but 420 friendly.i have a clean home with room to spare im white 5 8 160 blue eyes and lonely ive always wanted to be with 2 women at once so we can work something out lol you must respond with picture and tell me what you want to do or looking for if youre looking for something long term with a good man 50 dont look it or act it lol no picture no reply i like younger women age is just a number if you send a phone nuber with your picture ill call you not text call if i cant talk to you im not interested plain and simple too old for games

post id: 6296305618

body: athletic
height: 5’8″ (172cm)
status: single
florida: florida
age: 50

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Hurricane Season is Mother Nature’s Remedy for Tourists

Tourists Hurricanes

 

Tourists… They come here lifting their sun-screened noses high in the air, soaking sun rays into their cold decaying bodies. Midwestern baby boomers, teetering on the edge of death, with no concern for the future, arrive in flocks. They go to Disney a few times and fall in love. Then they move here.

They start selfishly voting for immediately gratifying policies that fuck future generations, because they’re gonna die soon and don’t care. Their kids and grand-kids are up north getting a real education, so there’s hardly a chance they’ll be affected. Everything they vote for is cheap and easy, with no foresight. In the same fashion that they happily fumble around on their iPhones with no understanding of the circuitry, they exploit the outer surface of Florida’s beauty while belligerently ignoring the fundamental aspects.

Funding for schools gets thrown out. Early childhood program’s budgets are slashed. There’s nowhere to go as a kid… nothing to do. So these kids turn into Florida Mans and Florida Womans. These victims of selfish greed become pathological Florida people. This is our reality.

Then a hurricane comes…

The great mediator. The judge who slices a line between the Natives who are eager to hunker down, and the Tourists who gas up their giant SUVs and head north.

And for a brief moment in time, as the chaos of the approaching storm wraps up Florida’s true children in a blanket of excitement, things are good. Things are real good…

 

Shirtless Micanopy Man threatens parents with rifle and dead possum

William Markham

The town of Micanopy doesn’t have much going on, except for a fully nude strip club that serves mediocre coffee (I-75 makes me sleepy, don’t judge).

54-year-old William Markham is one of the rare folks who actually lives in Micanopy.

His home is across the street from Micanopy Cooperative School on Northwest 2nd Avenue, and he often complains about all the parents parking on the street outside as they wait to pick up their pesky children. Full Story »

Florida Woman stabs her electrocuted boyfriend, tells cops a ‘black man with a mohawk’ did it

Christina Ann MacCornack and Christopher Thomas Jacobs
Christina Ann MacCornack and Christopher Thomas Jacobs

The lives of Florida Couples remain a mystery to many. They are reclusive creatures who only venture out late at night to party, and are rarely seen in broad daylight.

Thanks to the blunders of an Avon Park duo, we have yet another narrative of what really happens inside these Florida Couple habitats.

It all started on a Sunday evening, August 27th, when Christopher Thomas Jacobs, a Florida Man, tried changing a light bulb.

Because he’s from Florida, that very simple task of changing a light bulb resulted in him getting electrocuted.

He survived and went to the hospital.

This near-death experience didn’t stop his Florida Woman girlfriend, Christina Ann MacCornack, from arguing with him. Upon his return from the hospital that night, the couple continued arguing about drugs. Full Story »