Dear Floridian ladies,
If you’re dating a Florida Man, you should know that your life will be difficult. That is your choice. Don’t let your poor choices affect other Floridians.
Hide your keys or the Florida Man will steal your car, often to sell drugs. Florida Man rarely has a license or insurance, and almost never drives safely. This is a problem for us Floridians.
Hide your drugs. Florida Man will eat any prescriptions he finds, putting further stress on medical professionals, and also making the creature more dangerous and psychotic. Florida Man rarely has insurance, so that results in more “cost-shifting” when hospitals bring him back from overdosing with no way to get paid.
Stop giving it money. We know it’s tempting to give your Florida Man cash. Stop it though. Give your creature food and water only. If you give it cash, it will inevitably buy guns, alcohol, and drugs with it. Florida Man will lie, and deny this of course, but trust us. We read thousands of arrest affidavits and know exactly how these vile animals operate. Giving your Florida Man cash makes Florida more dangerous for Floridians.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
WTFF News and many concerned Floridians
