A Florida man who was stopped for driving his golf cart erratically told a deputy he couldn’t pass field sobriety tests if he were sober. Full Story »
It’s the middle of the night in the Village of Buttonwood. Most of the retirees are sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware that a naked man is running around outside… Full Story »
Meanwhile in The Villages, the world’s largest retirement city…
57-year-old Anthony Albert Arjbay was cruising along County Road 466 on the afternoon of July 1st, probably on his way to a shuffleboard tournament or something.
A young whippersnapper in a Honda passed him. Full Story »
The Villages, a hilariously-large retirement community in Florida, is the fastest-growing “city” in the country—with more than 117,000 people, 48 golf courses, geriatric sex (with a resulting high rate of STDs), and absolutely no children (they’re only permitted to visit for up to 30 days a year).
Residents primarily drive golf carts, with some luxury models costing up to $25,000; others were tricked out last year in support of Donald Trump. In 2005 the corporate-owned and fake-historied community set the world record for longest golf cart parade—perhaps surpassed by only the 100-meter dash as the world’s most prestigious record—with 3,321 carts.
But earlier this week in The Villages, there was news of another kind: A drug bust, followed by the discovery of a possible golf cart chop shop. Sumter County sheriff’s deputies and a SWAT team raided one Villager’s house Wednesday morning, after complaints from residents; there, they arrested five people on drug charges—including sale of methamphetamine and possession of heroin. One man was charged with the real-sounding crime of “unlawful use of a two way communication device.” Full Story »
A Villager who admitted to drinking wine at a community pool was arrested after a wild ride in her golf cart Tuesday afternoon in the Village of St. Charles.
Joyce Hellkamp Smith, 62, of the Village of St. Charles, had been at the wheel of a green golf cart at about 2 p.m. when someone reported the golf cart was hitting curbs, driving in and out of the golf cart lane and driving in front of oncoming vehicles, according to an arrest report from the Sumter County Sheriff’s Office. The golf cart then drove through someone’s yard on Baldwin Run. The witness was blocking Smith’s golf cart when a deputy arrived on the scene.
Smith admitted she had consumed “some wine” and the deputy spotted a cardboard 1-liter wine container inside a compartment on the dashboard. The deputy also observed numerous green leaves and sticks on the floorboard of the golf cart, leading the deputy to believe Smith had recently hit a bush. Full Story »
We all know that old people love Florida. Here are the top three places to die in the sunshine state… Full Story »