VERO BEACH, Florida – A Vero Beach woman tells deputies that she locked herself in a bathroom because she was allegedly arguing with her boyfriend about masturbating in the shower, according to the Indian River County Sheriff’s report. Full Story ⤳
The Florida man who claimed his girlfriend choked to death during oral sex was found not guilty of second-degree murder Monday.
Richard Patterson, 65, of Margate, was acquitted of killing 60-year-old girlfriend Francisca Marquinez in 2015 after a week-long trial, according to the Sun Sentinel.
During the trial, his lawyers initially argued that Marquinez died accidentally while performing oral sex on him at her apartment.
To bolster their defense, Patterson’s lawyers filed a motion to show his penis to the jury.
But after a medical expert testified that choking during the sex act was unlikely, the defense reversed course on the theory. The judge never ruled on the request to put Patterson’s member on display in court.
“That’s not the way she died,” defense lawyer Ken Padowitz said. “But that’s the way Richard Patterson thought she died.”
Instead, the defense argued that there was no way of knowing how she died. Medical examiners never determined the cause of death because Marquinez’s body was too decomposed.
“They still don’t know how she died,” said Padowitz, according to the Sun Sentinel.
The jury spent five hours deliberating before reaching a verdict.
If Patterson had been convicted, he would have faced life in prison.
STUART, FL — A man accused of hitting his girlfriend with a sex toy and punching her after she criticized him was arrested, a report states.
The 58-year-old woman identified as the victim flagged down a deputy and asked him to call the police, saying she’d been beat up. The deputy told her he was the police and asked what happened.
She said her live-in boyfriend — Pritsch — “punched her in the face because, as they were having sex, she told him, ‘You’re not a man, you’re a mouse,’ in reference to his apparent inability to perform,” the report states. Full Story ⤳
An elderly newlywed who told police he had yet to consummate his marriage allegedly shot his wife in the butt for refusing his advances.
Donald Royce, 76, of Lehigh Acres, Florida, admitted to authorities that he shot his wife after an argument about the couple’s sleeping arrangements. Royce told deputies from the Lee County Sheriff’s Office that the couple had been married since August but had yet to solidify their union in the bedroom.
“I shot her and the gun is in my room,” Royce told responding officers. Full Story ⤳
Priorities…Ain’t that love? These two went out with a bang…
This 30-year-old Jacksonville local, Leanne Hunn, was cooped up in a mobile home with her boo thang, 34-year-old Ryan Patrick Bautista. This guy was wanted by the police, who showed up at the trailer park to arrest him. The cops tried getting in for 45 minutes, and even called Leanne on the telephone..
She told the cops to wait, because she wanted to finish having sex with Ryan “one last time” before they arrested him… So in a stunning moment of white privilege, our good ‘ol boys in blue let them finish. The SWAT team then showed up and our lovers were arrested and charged with resisting arrest and false imprisonment.
This really is a beautiful story though. I think anyone facing jail time would add a couple extra resisting arrest months to bust a nut.
So even though Florida is a giant shit hole full of trailer parks, at least there is still love…
These two put the Fuck in What the Fuck. Thank you Florida Woman and Florida Man, your bravery and dedication will be honored all over crappy news sites like this one, forever.