82-Year-Old Florida Woman Spits on Officer’s Face at Publix

Josette Jordan

When you think of grandmas going grocery shopping, it’s normal to imagine gentle women cutting out coupons and writing checks as they hold up the line. It’s normal to imagine mild-mannered sweetness emanating from them, disarming your frustration and making you smile at the slight inconvenience of being stuck behind them at the checkout lane.

This is Florida though, and we are anything but normal. Full Story »

Old Man Crashes into Clearwater Art Studio

clearwater crash old people

The Art Studio in Clearwater, FL got a surprise visitor Sunday, when yet another geriatric Florida resident slammed their giant vehicle into a building.

Details are scarce, but judging from the looks of it, he probably just got his accelerator and brakes mixed up. It’s easy to do when age and the hot Florida sun combine to create a state of senility only possible in the Sunshine State.

Clearwater Police Department reported that, “Thankfully, no injuries were reported when this car smashed through the front of a business at 1250 S. Highland Ave. The car was occupied by the elderly male driver and his wife.”

At least it wasn’t a police station this time…

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Cops Discover Meth Lab, Golf Cart Chop Shop In Villager’s Garage

The Villages - Golf Carts

The Villages, a hilariously-large retirement community in Florida, is the fastest-growing “city” in the country—with more than 117,000 people, 48 golf courses, geriatric sex (with a resulting high rate of STDs), and absolutely no children (they’re only permitted to visit for up to 30 days a year).

Residents primarily drive golf carts, with some luxury models costing up to $25,000; others were tricked out last year in support of Donald Trump. In 2005 the corporate-owned and fake-historied community set the world record for longest golf cart parade—perhaps surpassed by only the 100-meter dash as the world’s most prestigious record—with 3,321 carts.

But earlier this week in The Villages, there was news of another kind: A drug bust, followed by the discovery of a possible golf cart chop shop. Sumter County sheriff’s deputies and a SWAT team raided one Villager’s house Wednesday morning, after complaints from residents; there, they arrested five people on drug charges—including sale of methamphetamine and possession of heroin. One man was charged with the real-sounding crime of “unlawful use of a two way communication device.” Full Story »