When you think of grandmas going grocery shopping, it’s normal to imagine gentle women cutting out coupons and writing checks as they hold up the line. It’s normal to imagine mild-mannered sweetness emanating from them, disarming your frustration and making you smile at the slight inconvenience of being stuck behind them at the checkout lane.
This is Florida though, and we are anything but normal. Full Story »
DAYTONA BEACH — A Daytona Beach man is banned from Volusia County beaches for six months after the mother of a teenager told officers he was giving out a business card that read, “Sugardaddy seeking his sugarbaby.” Full Story »
A Vero Beach man was arrested Thursday on charges of disorderly conduct.
Dale Martin Reynolds, 70 years old, was out in the street yelling incessantly and waving his cane around.
At one point, he even dragged a table into the street. Full Story »
PEMBROKE PINES, Fla. (AP) – Police say a 49-year-old woman swindled a man nearly twice her age out of more than $300,000 after he sought companionship on a dating app.
Eighty-five-year-old John Berman was a widow when he joined the dating app and met Nancy Guy. She vanished in 2015 but on Thursday authorities caught up with her. Full Story »
Louis and Irene Rosen are a nice elderly couple living in Pompano Beach, Florida. When their neighbor’s son, Leonard Benitez, asked to borrow some salt, they welcomed him inside with no hesitation. Full Story »
The Art Studio in Clearwater, FL got a surprise visitor Sunday, when yet another geriatric Florida resident slammed their giant vehicle into a building.
Details are scarce, but judging from the looks of it, he probably just got his accelerator and brakes mixed up. It’s easy to do when age and the hot Florida sun combine to create a state of senility only possible in the Sunshine State.
Clearwater Police Department reported that, “Thankfully, no injuries were reported when this car smashed through the front of a business at 1250 S. Highland Ave. The car was occupied by the elderly male driver and his wife.”
At least it wasn’t a police station this time…
Meanwhile in The Villages, the world’s largest retirement city…
57-year-old Anthony Albert Arjbay was cruising along County Road 466 on the afternoon of July 1st, probably on his way to a shuffleboard tournament or something.
A young whippersnapper in a Honda passed him. Full Story »
The Villages, a hilariously-large retirement community in Florida, is the fastest-growing “city” in the country—with more than 117,000 people, 48 golf courses, geriatric sex (with a resulting high rate of STDs), and absolutely no children (they’re only permitted to visit for up to 30 days a year).
Residents primarily drive golf carts, with some luxury models costing up to $25,000; others were tricked out last year in support of Donald Trump. In 2005 the corporate-owned and fake-historied community set the world record for longest golf cart parade—perhaps surpassed by only the 100-meter dash as the world’s most prestigious record—with 3,321 carts.
But earlier this week in The Villages, there was news of another kind: A drug bust, followed by the discovery of a possible golf cart chop shop. Sumter County sheriff’s deputies and a SWAT team raided one Villager’s house Wednesday morning, after complaints from residents; there, they arrested five people on drug charges—including sale of methamphetamine and possession of heroin. One man was charged with the real-sounding crime of “unlawful use of a two way communication device.” Full Story »