How to buy drugs in Florida

Rick Scott Pill Mill

In Florida, it’s very easy to buy opiates. Simply walk into any pain clinic, tell them you hurt, pay them cash, and walk away with your drugs! Totally legal, and helps fund our governor Rick Scott. Totally safe too, after all, it’s prescription drugs… do you really think they’d sell us dangerous and harmful things that ruin our lives and corrupt our neighborhoods just to make billions of dollars? Full Story ⤳

Cocaine Found Inside Key West Cookie Monster

Cookie Monster Cocaine

Cocaine users are always seeking new and creative ways to hide their product. Florida is showing signs of evolution, but hasn’t quite caught up yet…

Deep down in the Florida Keys, a Monroe County deputy was watching traffic. He noticed a car driving by with really dark tint, and an obscured license plate. The deputy followed to investigate. Full Story ⤳

Florida Man with ‘White Pride’ tattoo celebrates his 40th arrest by doing opiates, meth, and heroin in his Astatula trailer park

Jason Gibbs, 42 of Astatula, has been arrested 40 times in Florida as of Wednesday, July 12. Gibbs was discovered with baggies of crystal meth, heroin and prescription opiate pills.
Jason Gibbs, 42 of Astatula, has been arrested 40 times in Florida as of Wednesday, July 12. Gibbs was discovered with baggies of crystal meth, heroin and prescription opiate pills. This is his latest mugshot from the July 12th arrest. (LCSO)

A 42-year-old man was arrested for the 40th time Wednesday after the Lake County Sheriff’s Office SWAT Team found him inside a camper trailer in Astatula, 30 miles west of Orlando.

Jason Gibbs was discovered with baggies of crystal meth, heroin and prescription opiate pills. It’s the fourth time deputies have executed a search warrant on the property. Full Story ⤳

Jacksonville Racing Greyhounds Test Positive for Cocaine

greyhound-racedogs-coke-cocaine

ORANGE PARK, FL – Jacksonville greyhound trainer Charles McClellan had his license suspended after 12 dogs tested positive for cocaine. He has since lost his job, and is scheduled for a hearing on August 23.

The dogs were racers at Bestbet Orange Park, just south of Jacksonville, in Clay County.

Out of the 19 tracks open in the United States, 12 of them are in Florida. Most other states, 40 to be exact, have outlawed dog racing. Here in the good-ol-boy south we still race dogs… and fill them with yayo just to add that extra Florida edge. Full Story ⤳

Jacksonville Man Sits on Gun, Shoots Self in Penis

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JACKSONVILLE, Fla. – A Jacksonville man accidentally shot himself in the penis early Friday morning when he sat on a gun in the driver’s seat of his car, police said.

The 38-year-old man was taken to Memorial Hospital by a woman, who told police that the man was sitting in his Nissan Altima by himself and came into their home on Freedom Crossing Trail in a panic and ran straight to the bathroom.

She said she followed him and saw that he had a gunshot wound to his penis, so she took him to the hospital, where he underwent surgery. Full Story ⤳

Cops Discover Meth Lab, Golf Cart Chop Shop In Villager’s Garage

The Villages - Golf Carts

The Villages, a hilariously-large retirement community in Florida, is the fastest-growing “city” in the country—with more than 117,000 people, 48 golf courses, geriatric sex (with a resulting high rate of STDs), and absolutely no children (they’re only permitted to visit for up to 30 days a year).

Residents primarily drive golf carts, with some luxury models costing up to $25,000; others were tricked out last year in support of Donald Trump. In 2005 the corporate-owned and fake-historied community set the world record for longest golf cart parade—perhaps surpassed by only the 100-meter dash as the world’s most prestigious record—with 3,321 carts.

But earlier this week in The Villages, there was news of another kind: A drug bust, followed by the discovery of a possible golf cart chop shop. Sumter County sheriff’s deputies and a SWAT team raided one Villager’s house Wednesday morning, after complaints from residents; there, they arrested five people on drug charges—including sale of methamphetamine and possession of heroin. One man was charged with the real-sounding crime of “unlawful use of a two way communication device.” Full Story ⤳

Naked Florida Man Drunkenly Throws Feces at Clearwater Home

tommy williams mug

PINELLAS COUNTY, FL — A New Port Richey man was arrested for showing up to a Clearwater home naked and eventually throwing feces on a toolbox.

The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office says 34-year-old Tommy Williams was intoxicated and high on drugs when he went to a home on San Jose Street around 1:30 Saturday morning and rang the doorbell several times, then went to the backyard and opened two sheds. Deputies say he intended to commit a burglary. Full Story ⤳