Florida Cracker accidentally shoots his gun in Cracker Barrel

Cracker Barrel

This happened in a Cracker Barrel at 200 Hickman Circle in Sanford. Imagine you are sitting down eating typical white American food, engorging your already fat and diabetes-ridden gut with fried lard and sausage, when suddenly… GUN FIRE!

Our proud ‘Murican, William Hoback, accidentally fired his gun when it slipped out of the holster.

Florida cracker fires his gun in a Cracker Barrel

The bullet found it’s way to a kettle, which shattered and injured several people including his fiancé and a store manager. The third victim had shrapnel in his leg and went to the hospital.

Hoback said he was sorry and explained it was an accident. Our good ol’ boys in blue decided that because of his white redneck privilege, an “oops I’m sorry” would suffice and therefore, charges were not pressed by the deputies.

This Cracker Barrel off I-4 near State Road 46 was closed down for several hours as these hicks investigated the cause for the shooting and filled their obese bellies with fried pork fritters and pork sausage gravy covered in bacon.

“This is ridiculous what they’re doing and this is a priority they should take away the guns,” said Ashok Soni, who is some angry businessman who sadly lives in the area surrounded by redneck Neanderthals.

Cuz ahm prowd 2 bee ahn amerryken! Muh freedomz! I mean seriously you can’t get any more Florida than this. Accidentally shooting people in a Cracker Barrel at HICKman circle? WTF Florida? This godforsaken state is truly its own satire.

Sources: Google News