Retirement: Top Three Greatest Places to Die in Florida

We all know that old people love Florida. Here are the top three places to die in the sunshine state…

3 – Pretty Much Fucking Anywhere in Florida

Do you put a jacket on when the temperature drops below 90 degrees Fahrenheit? Do you like to drive 20 MPH in the fast lane on a major divided highway while barely peering over the steering wheel? Are you from Michigan? Come to pretty-much-fucking-anywhere, Florida and you will love it.

 

2 – The Everglades

For the more macabre among the well-ripened, there’s always the option of feeding yourself to a hungry alligator.

 

1 – The Villages

Experience nightly line-dancing in a drunken stupor with your geriatric peers. Boasting the nation’s largest STD rate per capita, there’s no doubt these broads put out. Forget spending time with your grand-kids, come to The Villages, the world’s largest retirement community, where you can regress into childhood, drive to the grocery store on a golf cart, and eat dessert before dinner.

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