It is perfectly legal for ex-cops to punch you in the face if they’re having a bad day in Florida


Punching random people in the face is a criminal offense… unless you used to be a cop. Here at this Fort Lauderdale Beach hotel, an ex-cop got angry with the fact that valet parking wasn’t free, and punched the valet in the face, knocking him out. No charges were pressed…

Fort Lauderdale hotel guest caught on camera punching out valet

No charges were pressed for this assault. We say fuck that. PRESS CHARGES!

Let’s petition the State Attorney’s Office to take action, otherwise people will think Florida a place where you can just assault random people because you’re having a bad day.

Sign The Petition

Ocean Ritual


So, our ocean ritual is working wonderfully so far.

We already got a response from Shark Boi, and he wishes to keep in touch.

When asked about the boys that tortured and killed him, he had this to say:

“If a person foolishly does me wrong, I will return to him the protection of my boundless love. The more that comes from him the more good will go from me. I will always give off the fragrance of sharky goodness.”

He also mentioned that even though he went through 16 stages of Shark Heaven and became enlightened and able to forgive his enemies, that us humans down here need to keep pursuing legal action against his killers.


Summoning Shark Boi

We’re doing a little séance to summon the deceased Shark Boi to speak with us. We are going to ask Yemayá, the goddess of the ocean, for some help… she’s usually pretty close to Florida so it shouldn’t take too long for a response. Florida was once part of Africa, so all of their spirits can manifest here easily (hence all the loud drumming and enchanting dance you find in Miami and all throughout the state).
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